


Formerly Fraser

by curlsgetdemgurls, julesbeauchamp



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Claire Beauchamp - Freeform, F/M, Jamie Fraser - Freeform, Modern AU, Outlander - Freeform, divorced au, exes au, jamie x claire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-11-12 00:17:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlsgetdemgurls/pseuds/curlsgetdemgurls, https://archiveofourown.org/users/julesbeauchamp/pseuds/julesbeauchamp
Summary: Jamie and Claire have been married for twenty years. Divorced for ten. Now that the kids are grown and life has slowed down, will they realise what they once shared might still be there before it’s too late?





	1. Friendly Exes

**Author's Note:**

> We’re so glad to finally share this story with you all! We hope you’ll like it as much as we loved writing it. Enjoy the first chapter <3

Claire never thought she would be a divorced middle-aged woman, let alone with three children in the mix. On her wedding day, she had promised to love and cherish her husband, and to be with him for the rest of her days, only parting in death. But things change - _\- people change_ \-- and not everything turned out to be the way she’d imagined.

Claire met Jamie during their first year at university in London and six months later, they had gotten married at the local courthouse with their best friends as witnesses. She had been sure, then, that he was the right one.  _The love of her life._  And that they would stay together for years and years to come. She was a fool but she was in love and she would never regret her marriage to him. She just wished it had ended up differently. They had a happy relationship, but it was messy and not perfect like most great love stories always were.

It took her a few years to feel normal again. Not like some divorced, forgotten woman. Now after ten years, she finally got used to being called  _“Dr Beauchamp”_  again. 

The kids had grown and moved out of the house. The twins, Julia and Elena were both done with college and their son, Alexander, was weeks away from graduation.

She remembered the young woman she was when she first met Jamie. So carefree.  _So reckless._ Unafraid to open her heart to the tall and gorgeous scot she had bumped into in the halls one rainy morning of October.

> _“Och, careful,” The tall scot said at once, grabbing her arm to steady her and smiled._
> 
> _“You be careful, you stormed in here,” She looked up at him and grinned, “And almost made me fall down.”_
> 
> _“I’m pretty sure ye stormed in here, Sassenach,” he said, his hand still on her arm._
> 
> _Claire pushed a stray curl back from her face, “Why are you near the library anyway? You don’t look like the kind of guy that reads -- ”_
> 
> _“What makes ye think so? Maybe I’m verra smart,” His eyebrows shot up, and still… his hand lingered._
> 
> _“I’m smart,” Claire smirked, feeling the attraction for him already. Like a powerful magnet._
> 
> _“And what makes ye so smart, eh?” His eyebrows rose in amusement._
> 
> _“ I wouldn’t go out for a coffee with you,” her cheeks blushed a light shade of pink but she smirked mischievously._
> 
> _“Weel, I wouldn’t ask,” the scot’s lip curled up as he shrugged._
> 
> _“That’s what makes you so stupid,” biting her bottom lip, she slid her hand over the scot’s._

They had met for coffee the next day and spent the night together, walking around the city. Just talking about life. They had never been apart after that. Claire had felt as if she had known him all her life. As if her soul had known his even before she was born. He was there for her during the long nights of studies and the late Sunday mornings tangled in bed. They lived in a small apartment that was enough because no matter the fact that they were broke college students, they were happy. 

Then, they graduated. Claire became Dr Fraser and Jamie started his own law firm. In just a few short but successful years, they bought a big house in one of the most sought-after neighbourhoods in Glasgow and welcomed the twins, then quickly followed by their son Alexander, the rascal of the bunch.  

They got caught up in life. So much so that they forgot to love one another as fiercely as they first did when they met. 

Time has a way of passing by without us noticing. One minute Claire was happy and standing next to the love of her life and then suddenly her ex-husband was walking into her hospital, clutching his shoulder.

Her stomach twisted into tight knots whenever she saw him walk into the emergency room. That flash of red hair that was always a foot above everyone else around him. In previous years, the sight of him walking towards her would have her knees trembling with anticipation and want, but now her knees trembled for a different reason --  _loss_.

She’d lost her old life, the one she felt comfortable in, simply because hearts change, evolve and when you’re not paying attention, two people that were once bonded can look at each other after twenty years and not recognize the other.

“Claire,” Jamie said as he approached her, offering her a weak smile.

“Are you here to see Annalise? I can have someone page her --”

“No,” Jamie interrupted, “She’s assisting in surgery. I already tried her cell.” He winced as he tried to move his shoulder. “Can ye help me, doctor?”

“What have you done to yourself this time?” Claire walked with him to the nearest free bed and made him sit down. She didn’t know how many times she patched up Jamie during their marriage and apparently now in their divorce too.

“I was fixin’ the roof and I slipped from the ladder,” he admitted through clenched teeth.

“Of course you did,” Claire looked at him exasperated and shook her head of curls. No matter how clumsy he was, his coy smile and his puppy eyes always seemed to work on her. He had been her husband after all… those charms had worked before.

“I’m going to have to remove your t-shirt, well at least cut it because you can’t move your arm,” Claire motioned at his shirt, her cheeks growing hot.

“Cut away, ye’re the doctor and I ken I’m in capable hands,” Jamie smiled, “I dinna watch ye studying so much for nothin’,” he smiled up at her. Claire felt her stomach flip over from the casual recollection of their time together.

“You didn’t watch, you fell asleep watching tv while I studied,” Claire’s mouth curled up into a smirk at the memories. She took the tools she needed and her skilled hands cut his t-shirt and her eyes couldn’t help but linger on his toned chest. She had felt that very skin underneath her hands, how he hummed deep in his chest when he was pleased. The mind can try to forget what once was, but the body remembers…  _always_.

“Aye, if ye say so,” Jamie chuckled softly and looked up at her, his deep blue eyes full of memories of their married life, “How have ye been, Sassenach?”

Her breath hitched a little before she answered, “I’m alright. I’ve been so busy at the hospital.”

“Annalise tells me they’re thinking of makin’ ye Chief of Surgery, is that so?” He asked, watching her. 

No matter how many time she heard him say her name, the mention of Jamie’s new fiancée always made her shiver -- even more so because she was a transfer nurse at the hospital and ten years younger than him.

“That’s correct,” she smiled. “Nothing’s final, but I hope to hear soon.”

They were silent for a time as Claire worked, poking and prodding at his arm. There was a surprisingly comfortable silence between the two… like old times -- like not everything between them had been lost.

“I’m proud of ye, Claire,” Jamie looked up at her, careful not to move his arm. “No matter what… just know that.”

“Thank you, Jamie,” Claire smiled sincerely, “But I’m going to fix your arm now and it’s going to hurt so you might not be as keen towards me after that.”

“I’m always keen towards ye,” he smiled, his hand brushing just the slightest bit against her knee.

“Just hold tight,” Claire took his arm and positioned it properly before giving him a look, silently asking if he was ready. They never needed words to communicate -- that was something else that didn’t change. With one sharp move, she put the joint back in place and watched his face shift from pain to relief.

“Christ,” Jamie mumbled, eyes wide, “It doesna hurt anymore!”

“Well, it will again so please don’t move your arm for a few days. Take it easy and don’t try to fix the roof, alright?”

“Aye, I’ll try, Sassenach,” he called her his nickname for her again and they both noticed, eyes meeting each other before looking quickly away. “If ye ever need anythin’ fixed at the house though, dinna hesitate to call, okay?”

“I’ll keep that in mind…”

“Jamie!” Annalise appeared behind Claire out of nowhere, pouting, “Mon amour, what have you done to yourself?”

Claire never understood how a woman who lived most of her life in Scotland still bore such a thick French accent and she suspected she did it on purpose, thinking people would find it more charming. She also suspected Annalise got transferred into this hospital after starting to go out with Jamie to prove a point.

“A fall is all, dinna fash,” Jamie looked at her and smiled softly, his cheeks red with embarrassment.

“Do not worry, I will take care of you now,” Annalise placed a kiss on Jamie’s cheek and Claire averted her eyes, taking notice of the nice pattern of the floor.

“Some rest for a few days and not moving that arm, he will be just fine,” Claire realised her hand had been resting on Jamie’s leg and quickly took it away.

“Come, James, I will tell the chief that I must leave work early to take you home,” Annalise began to help Jamie up and off the bed.

Before they could get out of earshot though, Jamie turned back to Claire, “Thank ye, Claire. Ye always fix my wounds,” he smiled. “And I’ll see ye soon? For Alexander’s graduation in London?”

“Yes, I’ll see you there,” she answered, trying to not clench her teeth as she always did when Annalise was around.

“What are you going to wear?” Annalise asked her, looking her up and down.

“I haven’t decided yet.” Claire hadn’t bought new clothes in a while and the thought of going to an event and having to be near this woman irked her to no end.

“Jamie has offered to buy me a new dress for the occasion! It’s going to be très magnifique!” Annalise smiled, showing off her perfect white teeth.

“J’en suis sûre,” Claire answered with her perfect French and smiled politely, “Now if you excuse me, I have a surgery in a bit.”

“Au revoir, Dr Beauchamp.” Annalise smugly pulled Jamie away and Claire gave Jamie a lopsided grin as she watched him walk away.

After they had been divorced for nearly eight years, Claire wondered if either she or Jamie would remarry. She didn’t find the idea that repulsive at the time. But now, two years later, seeing another woman kiss her ex-husband… would she ever truly be ready for Jamie to move on? 

It felt like that chapter in her life was closing, and it would never have a chance to be opened again.

**********

“Jamie came to the hospital?!” Joe grinned, leaning back on her sofa with a glass of red wine in his hand.

“Seriously, it’s not funny Joe,” Claire sighed and closed her eyes, “Even more so when Annalise showed up.”

“Actually, it’s quite funny,” Louise chimed in, winking at Joe, “Those French women and their lose manners. Une vraie salope!”

“Are you talking about yourself, Loulou?” Joe asked, his grin widening before Louise hit him with a pillow.

“You two are terrible,” Claire opened one eye to look at her friends, “I admit it was an awkward situation...funny but awkward.”

“Claire, when are you going to date someone again? And I don’t want to hear your  _I’m too busy_  bullshit! There are enough young and sexy residents for you to have some fun during your night shifts,” Her friend winked. 

“I’m perfectly happy on my own,” Claire smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. “Really.” 

“You know I met this guy online, very handsome but he’s not much my type. Do you want me to send him your number?” Louise said, already sitting up to grab her phone off the table.

“No, Louise,” Claire sipped her wine, “He could be a serial killer for all I know.”

“But he might be a good shag nonetheless...How long has it been since you had sex, uh?” Louise quirked her brows up, wiggling her tongue out at her.

“None of your business,” Claire hid her flushed cheeks once again in her wine glass.

“You need to take care of it before it gets all dusty down there. You’re still young, sexy and all the men always look at you when we’re out in the street.” Louise smiled and Joe nearly choked on his own drink.

“Men want younger women,” Claire said softly, rolling her eyes.

“You’re saying that because Jamie’s trollop is ten years younger than you but she is also a psychopath so...”

“She’s not a psychopath. She’s a great nurse...” Claire tried at her best compliment… Her only compliment for Annalise.

“Oh please, you say that every time!  She left him two times already...she’s a weirdo,” Joe remarked with a grin.

“I heard her talking about children the other day. Can you imagine Jamie at 49 with a newborn? Personally, the sheer idea makes me want to vomit and I used to find him really hot with a baby in his arms,” Claire laughed.

“See, she’s a psychopath! She knows he’s older and with three grown children already. She just wants some cash and Jamie is well known with his law firm. It’s a win-win situation for her. Once she’ll get the kid and the money, she’ll ditch him,” Louise said. “Men are stupid --”

“I agree with her on that one,” Joe raised his glass. 

“Look, he’s smitten and I’m not his wife anymore. I haven’t been his wife for ten years now, the decision to divorce was mutual, there is no bad blood. I have nothing to say about how he lives his life or who he’s going to marry next. I’m just glad we can be friendly for the children and birthdays and Christmases,” Claire huffed, “I just hope they don’t end up calling her ‘Mother’.”

“Oh no, you’ve raised them better than that,” Louise grinned, nudging Claire.

“I have a question though,” Joe turned to Claire and crossed his arms, “And don’t try to lie, I can read your glass face, Beauchamp.”

“Well, shoot Abernathy,” Sighing, Claire turned her face to him. 

“Do you still love Jamie?” He looked at her and Claire couldn’t avoid his gaze.   
She took a deep breath and thought about it but didn’t answer Joe. 

_Did she?_


	2. The Time Before

Claire spent most of her formative years’ yearning and looking to belong into the world. Orphaned at a young age, she spent her time on the road with her uncle Lambert, a renowned archaeologist – and as much as she loved it, she desperately hoped she would find a place to settle and call home someday. Home came. Not in the image of a place but of a person and it had been Jamie. **  
**

No matter if it was in a two room studio in London during their college years or a big house in an expensive neighbourhood in Glasgow, as long as Jamie was there, she was content. But once they had gotten a divorce, she was back to longing all over again, even if she had kept the house with the walls full of memories and happy times spent there. Nooks stamped with their lovemaking. The house will forever remind Claire of him but after ten years, it was her home now and she almost felt as good in it as when Jamie was around. 

_Almost._

Standing in the kitchen, one of her favourite spots in the house – not because she was a good cook, but because of the memories of her family gathering around the dinner table always made her smile – Claire began to prepare Sunday dinner for her and the girls.

“Hi Mam!” Elena - _-Lenny–_  to her family, came into the kitchen, giving her mother a quick kiss on the cheek before opening the fridge.

“No!” Claire laughed, “I’m making dinner and I promise it will be edible. You can wait darling.”

“Calm down, I was just getting a drink,” She chuckled, her dark curls bopping on her head. She was the spitting image of her mother while her twin, Julia, looked exactly like Jamie with red fiery hair and deep blue eyes.

“And where’s your sister?” Claire looked quickly around, drying her hands on her apron. 

“Parkin’ the car,” Elena opened her can of _Irn Bru_  before sitting down on a stool to watch her mother cook with a grin, “Do ye need any help?”

“Don’t act like you’re a better cook than I am,” Claire grinned, “You’re just as bad as me.”

“Of course I am but I could open the salad bag or somethin’ similar that doesn’t require too much culinary effort, ken? ” Lenny smirked, making a Scottish noise of sorts, sounding just like her father.

“I already opened the salad bag, who do you think I am?” Claire smirked proudly.

“True, I’m just an amateur next to Claire Elizabeth,” Elena got up again with a grin, “On another note, I need to go get the old record player from the attic for our apartment.”

“Do that, it must be in some boxes or something,” Claire answered, too preoccupied with her roast to notice that her daughter had already left the kitchen.

“Mother!” Julia exclaimed into the hall before making her way to the kitchen, “Yer favourite daughter has arrived.”

“My favourite daughter is your brother, now come here,” Claire smirked, opening her arms.

“Well then I can be your favourite son, can I no’?” She laughed, hugging her mother tightly. 

“You can start setting the table, that you can,” Claire kissed her cheek and patted her bum.

“With pleasure, Ma.” Julia smiled and stood to grab forks and knives from the drawer, “Where’s Lenny gone?”

“Right here, sis.” Elena said, walking back into the kitchen, “I found the record player and…” she held up an old dusty photo album, “Old pics of Mam and Da!”

“Glorious,” Claire watched her daughter and shook her head.

“Mam ye have nothin’ to be ashamed of, ye still look the same,” Elena smiled, “What’s yer secret?”

“Moisturiser,” Claire said simply and put the roast into the oven. “Or maybe I’m a witch,” She did her best attempt at an evil laugh.

“Mam, ye seriously need to go and have some sex,” Julia rolled her eyes and sat down at the counter next to Elena. Claire hadn’t looked at that photo album in decades. The pictures were of her and Jamie, back in college, and when they had first gotten married.

Claire tried not to look while Elena opened the photo album, so instead, she kept her focus on the food before her. She did smile to herself, however, as the girls started giggling over old pics of her and Jamie. They did make quite a cute couple back in the day.

“You two got married at the courthouse?!” Elena looked at her mother surprised.

“Well yes. Your father asked me to marry him at breakfast and we were married in the afternoon. Don’t do that or I’ll personally kill you,” Claire held up the knife she was holding, pointing it at both her daughters, smirking.

“And how long had you two been together by then?” Lenny asked, eyes glued to the pictures. 

“Six months.”

“Six months?!” Julia made wide eyes, “You were quite the spontaneous lass, mam.”

“Well I met a cute lad who was crazy about me, I was crazy about him and that was that,” Claire couldn’t help but smile at that. 

“That’s actually verra sweet,” Elena leaned against the counter, sighing. She held out a picture of Jamie and Claire at the courthouse, kissing. 

“It was the perfect day actually,” Claire smiled, remembering how normal the day had started and how her world had been turned upside down by sunset.

> _“We should get married today,” Jamie said nonchalantly as he was sipping his cup of peppermint tea._
> 
> _Claire looked up from the newspaper, yawning, “Wot?”_
> 
> _“I said,” Jamie grinned, kneeling down in front of her. “We should get married today, Sassenach.”_
> 
> _Claire’s eyes widened as he took a little case out of his pocket and presented her with a delicate ring. It wasn’t grand but it was perfect._
> 
> _“Are you crazy? Jamie I…” She smiled widely, her vision blurred with tears as she got up and pulled him with her. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and sealed their lips._
> 
> _“I saw the ring at the wee vintage shop ye like so much and the colour of the stone reminded me of yer eyes…I had to get it,” Jamie held her close for a moment. He then took her hand and slid the ring on her finger._
> 
> _“It’s beautiful,” Claire smiled broadly, looking at her hand._
> 
> _“And I was serious when I said let’s get married today, mo nighean donn,” Jamie stroked her hair back. “I ken I have no’ much to offer ye, I’ve got no’ much money but I promise ye that one day, I will lay the world at yer feet, Claire.”_
> 
> _“I don’t need the world,” She said softly, stroking his chin with her index finger. “I just need you” she kissed him._
> 
> _“But what will I wear? It’s not like I have a spare wedding dress hanging in the closet?” She gaped at Jamie, eyebrows raised._
> 
> _“Ye will wear the nicest thing ye have, Sassenach. You could wear sweats and a t-shirt and ye would still be the most beautiful bride,” he grinned and kissed her._
> 
> _She wrapped her hand around his neck, pulling him on top of her,_ _“Are we crazy?”_
> 
> _“Aye, we are, mo ghraidh. But what is life wi’out a wee bit of craziness mixed in huh?”_
> 
> _Claire pulled her hand back, staring at the silver band with the small stone that now adorned her finger. “It will make for an interesting story, that’s for sure.”_
> 
> _“Then ye’ll marry me today, Sassenach?” Jamie grinned like a puppy dog that had just been told he was going for a walk._
> 
> _Biting her lip, Claire couldn’t help the butterflies that flew around her stomach as she thought of making this man her husband today. “Yes. Let’s get bloody fucking married Jamie!”_
> 
> “We then stayed home and didn’t move as our honeymoon because we didn’t have a lot of money,” Claire recalled foundly. “But much later, when your father had his first big client, he took me to Pantelleria and it was really sweet.”

“Mam? Can I ask ye somethin’?” Julia looked at her mother, frowning slightly.

“Of course,” Claire smiled, watching her daughter. “You can ask me anything, love, you know that.” 

“Why did ye and Da divorce? I mean, we were just kids when it happened and we didn’t know what went on but I recall how in love ye two always looked and…yeah, I don’t truly understand,” Julia said softly. 

“Aye, sorry mam but we don’t,” Elena added, “And we’re grown enough to understand now if ye care to explain.”

Claire looked at her daughters and was at a loss for words for a split second. She never expected her children to ask such a question – she was glad they never did. But her daughter was right, they were old enough to talk about it, now.

“Wel, I never thought your father and I would ever divorce…but it was a mutual decision that we didn’t make lightly. It had nothing to do with love. Your father is and will always be the love of my life but a marriage…it’s bloody hard,” Claire swallowed back her tears.

“We became older and we changed. We were both too busy with our careers that we forgot just to be with one another…and inevitably, we grew apart,” Claire sighed, leaning against the counter and looked up into both her daughters’ faces.

“So you still love Da?” Julia asked in a low voice.

“Do you think Da still loves you, Mam?” Elena asked immediately after, without giving Claire time to answer the first one.

Claire thought about it for a moment before answering, “Like I said, the love I have for your father will always be there. But, in the end, end we just didn’t have what it takes to be married to one another for the rest of our lives. We had a good run and I will always be thankful for him. After all, without your father, I wouldn’t have you all.”

“Well,” Elena sniffed, wiping her cheek quickly, “Is it wrong for me to wish ye two would get back together and make things work? Even after nearly a decade?”

Claire pushed back Elena’s hair, as curly as hers, “No, my darling. It’s not wrong, it’s only natural for you to want your parents to be together. I’m sorry the situation isn’t different…I truly am.”

“Thanks for tellin’ us, Mama.” Julia smiled and then slid off the chair, reaching for the photo album. “Mind if I keep this for a bit?”

“Not at all,” Claire smiled and then returned to making dinner. “Both of you go wash up, alright? Dinner will be ready soon.”

Claire watched as both of her daughters walked out of the kitchen. One of the pictures had slid off the album and landed on the floor. Picking it up, her eyes rested on an image of herself, taken one morning by Jamie. She was in bed, a focused look on her face as she was reading something, probably some anatomy textbook.

She didn’t need more to know that as soon as Jamie had taken the picture, she had looked up and burst into a laugh at the sight of the scot holding his Polaroid camera to snap a picture when she wasn’t looking. Of course, she laughed because he had been stark naked, and the view above her was one she had seen many times.

As Claire set the table for dinner, her mind drifted back to the previous conversation with her daughters. It had been some time since she thought back to that deciding conversation with Jamie – the one that sealed the fate on their marriage. At the time, it had seemed like the only decision to make. Now, Claire wasn’t too sure about it. 

> _“Claire…I can hear you thinking from here,” Jamie sighed, looking at his wife with a stern expression. She was sitting on their bed after yet another argument. It became less and less frequent to talk without arguing these days._
> 
> _“I don’t know what you expect me to say,” she said solemnly. “This is it, isn’t it?”_
> 
> _“What is?” He asked, confused and took a seat on the edge of the bed._
> 
> _“The end. Of us. Of our marriage.” Her voice was barely audible. She didn’t dare to say it too loudly – hoping to grasp the slightest hope for them, even if she knew there wasn’t much left to say or to do._
> 
> _Jamie was silent. He knew it as well as she did that they couldn’t keep going on like this. It wasn’t healthy for them and it wasn’t good for the kids. They had spent months in counselling but had come to a crossroads where a decision needed to be made. And it just had._
> 
> _“This isn’t what I wanted, ye ken that, Claire?” Jamie said softly._
> 
> _“I know, neither have I. It’s not like we went into this thinking we would end up divorced, but I never thought –” she stopped talking when her voice trembled._
> 
> _“Sassenach,” Jamie moved closer to her, gently laying his hand on top of hers. “We did fight for us, don’t think we didn’t try. But we’ve changed, ye ken it.”_
> 
> _She nodded slowly, and then met his eye, “We’ve grown apart. I know it’s mostly my fault for being at the hospital so much and–”_
> 
> _“Stop.” Jamie interrupted, “I’m to blame just as much, if no’ more. I shoulda been home more, I shoulda loved ye properly as ye deserved, I shoulda worked so much… we canna fix the past.”_
> 
> _“No, we can’t,” Claire smiled softly. “Sadly time travel doesn’t exist.”_
> 
> _Jamie chuckle softly at this and it was a rare moment of happiness between the two. The next hour was spent discussing the finer details of the arrangement for the children. They both loved one another, still. It wasn’t the issue here. No one betrayed the other. No one did anything wrong. It was a simple case of people growing apart for far too long._  
>  _  
> Claire didn’t want to admit it, but she felt lighter at the idea that all this fighting would soon come to an end._ __  
> 
> 
> _“I’ll call up Ned tomorrow and get the papers sorted,” Jamie said and started to stand up from the bed. Claire reached out, putting her hand on his thigh and he stopped, looking over at her._
> 
> _“What do you say, Fraser? One last time?” She watched his eyes, her heart breaking._
> 
> _“It’s only fair…” his lips curled up on one side. “A parting gift, Sassenach.”_
> 
> _Claire chuckled softly as Jamie grabbed her hips and settled her legs around his waist. “I’ll miss this…”_
> 
> _Sliding his hands one last time down his wife’s back and squeezing her arse, he kissed her deeply. Tenderly. “I ken I will too.”_


	3. Graduation

“You can come out of the changing room, Claire,” Louise grinned, sitting on one of the velvet sofas at Liberty. She was in London for the weekend and accompanied Claire to shop for an outfit to wear at Alexander’s graduation. 

Claire walked out wearing a grey pantsuit by Jil Sander. It was simple. _Too simple._

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Louise raised her eyebrows. “Just add a turtleneck and you’re good to go to the monastery.”  

“I thought it was cute,” Claire looked at herself in the mirror. She understood what her friend meant but she said nothing. 

“Yes, it’s _cute_ if you’re on a medical seminar where you’re trying to avoid any old creepy doctors touching you. For your son’s graduation, where your ex husband and his fiancée will be too, I might add. You need something else.” Louise got up, “I”ll be back in a few minutes.” 

Claire took another look in the mirror and had to agree with her friend. The thought of standing next to Annalise and Jamie made her stomach clench. What she needed was a sexy outfit that would help boost her confidence as well as accentuate her body. 

Louise reappeared magically, holding a bunch of clothing and grinning like an idiot, “Take these, try them on and thank me later.” 

Claire didn’t respond and simply accepted the clothes Louise was handing her. She went back into the changing room and reviewed the dresses before deciding on something. What caught her eyes was a black jumpsuit. The bottom half was simple black suit trousers but the arms were a black see through fabric. What made the piece was the magnificent lace top. There was no way she could wear a bra under that. 

Checking to make sure everything was covered in the right place, she took a deep breath and stepped out to where Louise was sitting. “So… what do you think?”

“I’m a genius, that’s what I think,” Louise smirked. “Jamie will forget all about Annalise when he catches sight of you.” 

“Louise!” Claire laughed, “It’s not about that,” she rolled her eyes, but was secretly hoping for that very thing. 

“Well Jamie and whoever will see you tomorrow. It’s a crime to look this good without even going to the gym. And your tits are not even saggy,” Louise walked forward, cupping Claire’s breasts. 

“Christ!” Claire pushed away Louise’s hands, but stood there cupping her own breasts. “They have held up quite nicely, yes.” 

“That’s my girl.” Louise winked, “You are going to bang somebody this weekend, let me tell you that.” 

“Piss off,” Claire chuckled. 

******

“Holy mother of God,” Elena blurped as Claire made her way over to the children. Louise had been right about the jumpsuit -- and about the heels to go with it, as well as the trip to the hairdresser to get her curls back.

“Good morning to you too, darling,” Claire smiled, kissing her daughter’s cheek. “Lovely to see you again, Charlotte,” Claire gave her daughter’s girlfriend a quick hug. She would never forget the look on Jamie’s face when Elena had brought a girl home, instead of a boy. He was shocked at first, but not surprised and in the end he loved his daughter and accepted her for who she was. 

“Nice to see you again Dr. Beauchamp,” Charlotte smiled. 

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Claire?” She grinned. 

“Where’s Da and Annalise?” Julia gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. “Alex texted me saying he’s already in line for the ceremony so we’ll have to wait until after to see him.” 

“Oh there they are,” Elena pointed behind Claire and they all turned to see Jamie and Annalise holding hands and walking towards them. Claire’s heart started to race as she saw Jamie through the crowd. Why was she feeling like this? _Like she had felt the first time she had ever seen him._

As they got closer, Jamie’s eyes landed on Claire and he stopped in his tracks, his hand releasing from Annalise’s. Heat crept up Claire’s chest and face as she watched Jamie’s eyes trail up and down her body. A small curve of his lips and pink ears told her that the outfit had been a success. 

“Hi Da,” Julia hugged Jamie and smiled politely at Annalise. 

“Hello, _a leannan_ ,” Jamie held her close, smiling. “Ye look beautiful.” 

“Doesn’t Ma look beautiful too, Da?” Julia said, looking back and forth between her parents. 

Claire saw Annalise tense beside Jamie, and felt awkward enough for all of them, but Jamie’s face softened as he looked at her. “Aye, she does.” 

Annalise coughed and the moment was broken. “Shall we find our seats?”

“Yes, we probably should.” Claire smiled and followed her daughters lead as they found a good spot to watch the ceremony. 

Jamie shook his head slightly, and found that his eyes couldn’t leave Claire’s body. As she walked ahead of him, his eyes lingered on her arse, watching as with every step she took, it bounced. A feeling of guilt washed over him as he sat down next to Annalise, but there was no harm in appreciating his ex-wife’s body was there?

The ceremony was quite long but Claire was so proud of their son, she didn’t even mind. Her eyes were glued to the stage -- so much so, she didn’t even notice Jamie only had eyes for her.  Once it was over, they all went to a chic restaurant in Mayfair for dinner before attending the party in honor of their son. Claire had spent her afternoon sipping wine to ignore Annalise’s shallow topic of conversations and was already pretty tipsy when she arrived at the party.  

“How long do you think we need to stay?” Claire asked Jamie as they moved to the back of the room. The place was filled with young people and Claire couldn’t help but feel out of place. 

“Och, no too long. I’m sure Alex doesna want us crampin’ his style,” Jamie smirked. “Do ye want a drink?” He asked her and she nodded. 

“I would like a drink as well, James.” Annalise piped in and Claire had almost forgotten the blonde woman was even there… _almost._

“Aye, two drinks then,” Jamie’s lips quirked up and he disappeared towards the bar.

Elena and Julia had immediately found some of their friends when they came to the party, so now it was just Claire and Annalise together -- awkwardly not talking in the corner, waiting for Jamie to get back. 

“You know,” Annalise turned to Claire, “You are a pretty intimidating woman.” 

“How so?” 

“Well, you are technically my boss so it’s not easy for me to being outside of the hospital and not see you as such. Even more when you have such a strong personality at the hospital. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just with all the men on the planet, I had to fall in love with your ex-husband,” Annalise chuckled softly. 

“Yes...what a coincidence,” Claire answered flatly. She wasn’t about to start a fight at her son’s party but the idea was all of a sudden very tempting, and the wine she had for lunch was not helping. 

“From all the men on the planet we both would have said “I do” to this guy. Small world,” Claire looked around. 

“I love your outfit, by the way! You have such a great figure for your age, I hope I’ll look like you when I’ll be in my fifties. Do you work out and such?” Annalise said with a slight smirk. 

“No, not really. I don’t have time with my schedule. Plus, I’m only 49... I guess it’s just my amazing gene pool,” Claire smiled and then was relieved to see Jamie making his way back over to them. 

“Here we are,” he gave them both of their drinks. Claire sipped her Old Fashioned, letting it burn down her throat. 

“What is this?” Annalise said as she took her drink from Jamie. 

He looked at her oddly, “It’s an Old Fashioned, same as Claire.” 

“I don’t like this drink, Jamie. You know this…” Annalise rolled her eyes and handed the drink back to him. 

“Sorry,” Jamie muttered and took the drink. Claire almost didn’t recognize him in that moment. Jamie was never a man to hold back his words or even to get a drink order wrong -- he always remembered the little details. 

“It’s fine,” Annalise huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not feeling very well anyways, we should go back to the hotel, Jamie.” 

“Annalise,” Jamie looked at her over his drink. “I canna just leave my son’s graduation party so soon. I can give ye the hotel key and I’ll meet ye there once we’re done here.” 

“You would make me go back on my own? When I am ill, James?” Annalise bit her bottom lip and Claire had to stop herself from laughing. 

“Ye dinna seem that ill is all…” Jamie grumbled. “Ye are an adult are ye no? It doesna make any sense for me to go back wi’ ye to the hotel and then come back here only to leave again.” 

Claire felt like she was an intruder, standing in between them, hearing them argue. 

“As you wish,” Annalise pressed her lips firmly together and took the hotel key from Jamie, parting without another word to the both of them. 

“Christ,” Jamie muttered under his breath as she left and finished off the drink. 

“Is she always like that, so…. So--”

“Insufferable?” Jamie said. 

Feeling her heart squeeze, Claire let out a laugh, “That’s one word for it, yes.” 

“She’s a lot, aye.” Jamie took both of their empty glasses and set them on a nearby table. He turned to her, reaching for her hand, “Will ye do me the honor of a dance, lass?”

“Sure,” Claire smiled and slid her hand into Jamie’s and together they walked out to the small dance floor. Thankfully the music wasn’t too out of control and soon Jamie and Claire were dancing with their arms raised and acting like they were the same age as those around them. 

Claire noticed that most of the young men at the party were watching her and even if she didn’t want to admit it, it flattered her ego quite a bit. Jamie must have noticed it too because after the next song ended, he took her hand and pulled her off the dance floor. 

“Do ye want to get out of here? Go for a walk or somethin’?” 

“Well, I was dancing but fine,” she chuckled. “I’ll just let Alex know we’re leaving.” 

They left the party and stepped out into the warm May air, each taking a deep breath. They hadn’t been alone like this in what was probably years. There was always someone else around -- Annalise, their children… divorce lawyers. 

“Can you believe all of our children have graduated from University?” Claire smiled fondly as they started walking down the street. “I feel like I was pregnant for the first time just yesterday.”

“Tis hard to believe, Sassenach,” Jamie glanced over at her. “I remember how cranky ye were during that last trimester,” he laughed and Claire hit him gently on the arm. 

“I wasn’t cranky! I was heavily pregnant with _your_ child. And the first time I carried two of them.You gave all of our children giant genes…. Try pushing that out of a small hole,” Claire smirked. 

“I told ye if I could have given birth for ye, I would have,” Jamie held up his hands in defense. “But ye wouldna take me up on that offer.” 

“You weren’t serious, you were just busy staring at my full breasts,” Claire blushed, nudging him. 

“I’ve been exposed,”Jamie laughed. “I mean…” he then cast a quick glance at her chest, his stomach coiling tightly at the sight of her. “They were pretty awesome.”

“I’ll take that as a weird compliment,” Claire bit the inside of her cheek. 

They continued to walk down the street, past rows of houses full of families and stories of their own. Claire wondered what the walls of these home would say if they could talk. What would the walls of her own home say? 

“So where exactly are we going, James?” 

“Christ, the last time ye called me that was during our first date!”

“Well that feels like a million years ago, right now,” Claire sighed. “You were so nervous, your hand was sweaty when I grabbed it after dinner.” 

“It was not sweaty, Sassenach,” Jamie squinted his eyes at her. “But I was nervous ye ken. I had a date with the most beautiful woman in the world.” 

Claire didn’t know what to say to this, or frankly how she should feel. He was engaged to another woman, but whenever he said these things, Claire wondered if he even remembered that fact. 

“And with that I still don’t know where we’re going, Jamie,” Claire clicked her tongue. 

“Weel, I thought a pub would do the trick?” 

“Fine, a pub then.” 

_Many_ drinks later, Claire and Jamie stumbled out of the small pub they’d found in a hole in the wall. While they were inside, it had started to pour rain and it didn’t look like it was letting up any time soon. 

“Well shit,” Claire cursed but laughed. “I don’t have an umbrella and my hotel is just down the street, pointless to get a cab.” 

“I’ll cover ye with my jacket, Sassenach,” Jamie smiled and shrugged his arms out of his sleeves. 

“On the count of three?” Claire giggled, looking up at Jamie.

“Aye,” he smiled and held the jacket above her mass of curls. “One… two… three!” 

And they ran for it, splashing in puddles, their clothes were soaked in seconds. Claire couldn’t help but laugh as they ran as fast as they could to her hotel and wonder how she didn’t fall with her heels. Apparently being drunk wasn’t that much of a curse. 

“Thank Christ ye arena stayin’ further away,” Jamie smiled as they found shelter under the awning of Claire’s hotel. 

Taking a step forward to give him a kiss on the cheek goodnight, Claire’s foot got caught on the uneven sidewalk and she fell against him. His strong arms wrapped around her and he stared down into her amber eyes. 

“Sassenach,” he whispered, his hand pushing back her wet curls framing her cheeks. 

“Come up with me?” Claire asked boldly. The heat of him was seeping into her cold body and she could feel him -- how hard he was as he pressed himself to her. 

He gulped and Claire placed a kiss to his neck, loving the scratch of his scruff on her lips. 

“Aye, I’ll come wi’ ye,” Jamie smiled and before he could kiss her properly, Claire pulled away, tugging on his hand and together they made their way inside the hotel. 


	4. Drunk in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire asked Jamie to come into her room...Now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NSFW 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

His shirt clung to his chest, wet from the rain and Claire’s fingers trembled at the buttons. Jamie’s hands held onto hers, steadying them and she looked up into his blue eyes boring into her. She was shaking but not from her cold and drenched clothes.

“Do you want to do this, Sassenach?” He whispered, eyes boring into hers.

God, _did_ she? Watching him all evening, the thought of his body under hers was all she could think about. Of course, she wanted him. She always had.

“Very much,” she said softly and continued to unbutton his shirt. As it hung open, she took a step back, staring at him. They were both silent, their eyes grazing over each other's bodies. All at once they came together, like waves crashing against the rocks. Limbs intertwined, mouths pressed hard together.

Jamie’s hands fumbled with the zipper on her jumpsuit, but finally, he tugged it down, sliding his hands to her shoulders. His mouth never left hers as he slid the material off of her skin and it fell to the floor at her feet in a puddle of black lace.

“Take off these damn trousers,” Claire mumbled against his lips, her hands at his belt. Her knuckles pressed against his stomach and his heart nearly stopped. He had dreamed of those hands -- touching him, making him feel like his old self.

While Claire was busy with his zipper, he peeled the rest of his shirt off, letting it fall to the ground and then his eyes widened as he took in the state of Claire. She was leaning over, her hands at his crotch, standing in nothing but a black thong. Her breasts were just as he remembered them, full and round and all he wanted to do was take one of her perfect pink nipples into his watering mouth.

“I’ll help ye, Sassenach,” Jamie managed to say and pulled off his pants and boxers in one motion. When he stood up straight again, his eyes found hers and they gravitated towards each other -- a magnetic pull that had always been there from the start.

“Claire,” Jamie uttered between shaky lips. He reached out his hand slowly, lightly touching the top of one breast and he shuddered. To touch her, to feel her skin like this -- it was heaven.

Letting out a moan she couldn’t hold in, Claire leaned into his touch, closing the distance between them until their bodies were flush. She hooked her thumbs into her thong and shimmied out of it. Feeling bold and very drunk, Claire reached her hands around and placed them firmly on Jamie’s arse.

She chuckled as he made a sort of squeaking noise.

“I’m the one who’s supposed to be making the noises,” Claire smirked, biting her bottom lip.

“Oh, dinna fash. I’ll have ye makin’ plenty of wee noises, Sassenach.” Jamie kissed her then, a deep slow kiss and he parted her lips with his tongue. Claire’s breath came short and it was taking every ounce of strength in her to keep standing.

“I need you,” Claire moaned, sliding her hands around his neck. “Please, Jamie.”

“I’d do anythin’ for ye, _mo ghraidh_ ,” Jamie kissed her again and slid his hands down her back, over her firm arse and picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. He walked carefully to the bed, kissing her and getting her to make those moans again. His cock was hard against his stomach, pressing against her core.

He reached the edge of the bed and laid her back gently and simply stood at the end staring at her.

“Ye truly are beautiful, Claire.”

“Don’t make me blush,” she felt heat creep up her chest. Her body was so exposed to him, with her legs spread slightly, she knew must see how wet she already was for him. “Come here.”

Jamie’s eyes darkened as he crawled on top of her, and Claire hissed as his cock pressed against her slit before resting heavily on her stomach. Leaning up, she captured his lips between her teeth, lightly biting.

“Yer killing me, Sassenach,” Jamie muttered and then his head was between her breasts, lightly nipping at the skin. His tongue snaked out briefly, collecting moisture that was a mix of rain and sweat.

“Mmh...” she moaned, her legs squirmed, her hips bucking against his, begging for relief. Winding her hands into his curls, she held him against her breasts and nearly convulsed as his mouth latched onto her nipple.

His tongue was flat against her hard bud, and he gave the same attention to the other one before pulling his head back and then lightly kissing her nose.

“Make love to me,” she begged, breathless, eyes locked with his.

Jamie’s lip flicked up at her demand. His mouth lingering dangerously close to hers, breath tickling her lips. His eyes locked with her whisky ones before he took his cock in his hand and lined it up with her core, rubbing and teasing her clit before slowly pushing himself inside her tight walls.

“Oh!” Claire cried out, her eyes squeezing shut and she felt a delightful throb in her stomach and between her legs. He pulled one leg around his waist and shifted her, adjusting the angle.

Again and again, he thrust into her, nearly weeping at the joining. He rolled his hips, grinding against her, his stomach pressing against her smooth skin. Claire moaned loudly, and pressed her lips to his. She trembled as his pubic hairs rasped against her clit with every push.

“Come for me, Claire. I’ve got ye,” Jamie cupped her cheek and watched as her face fell apart. He didn’t let up, even as her breathing grew labored and heavy.

“Jamie!” She clutched both hands onto his arms, holding onto him as her anchor and her thighs clamped around his waist. Her release built in her lower belly and branched out to every nerve along her body.

“ _Mo nighean donn_ ,” Jamie growled out, pressing his face in the crook of her neck as he felt his own release. Slowly, his thrusting stopped, but he still gently rocked back and forth inside of her, never wanting to leave her.

Claire closed her eyes for a brief second, hoping to freeze what just happened in time and to never have to leave Jamie again. She stroked his toned back with the tip of her fingers, sending shivers through his body.

“Don’t move just yet,” She whispered, wrapping her arms around him and held him close.

“I’ll stay like this as long as ye need,” he sighed and rolled them both onto their sides, pulling her as close as possible without crushing her. She was so small in his arms, so fragile and Jamie wanted to weep at the idea of ever causing her pain.

“I think we drank too much…” She stroked his bottom lip with her index finger, smiling mischievously.

“‘Tis no’ alcohol I’m drunk wi’ right now, a nighean,” He whispered, his warm breath caressing her lips.

Claire giggled softly, stroking his cheek, “Wot? Ye’re going to serve me some bullshit about my eye colour being enough to make you drunk?”

“But ‘tis the truth!” He pouted, kissing the tip of her nose.

Claire rolled them over to be on top, her full breasts pressing against his chest, “Shut up and kiss me, Jamie…”

“I like it when ye’re bossy,” His hands rested on her arse, fondling it.

“You talk too much,” she growled and bit at his nose lightly before shifting positions and sitting on Jamie’s lap. Leaning forward, she placed both of her hands on his legs stretched out before her and Jamie’s hands came to cup her breasts, holding her up.

“Christ, yer arse,” he groaned at the sight before him. Claire lifted her hips and sneaked her hand between their bodies, pumping his cock slowly before sinking down.

“Jesus,” Claire’s head fell forward as he pushed deeply up. His hands began to massage her breasts, her nipples hardening again. Using his legs as leverage, Claire began to rock back on him, sliding back against his cock.

“We’ve never tried it this way before,” Jamie commented and he leaned forward, placing a kiss on the middle of her back.

Claire moaned as he hit her g-spot and her curls flew as she turned her head to look back at him. “It feels good though, right?”

Jamie cursed under his breath at the look on her face. She had a devilish grin and he wondered why he’d ever let her out of his bed. Claire had always been in Jamie’s heart, however, and there she would always remain.

Increasing the speed, Claire pushed back on him, and Jamie slid his hands to her waist, helping her. She was pushing herself back on him so forcefully, Jamie knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

“Ah, Claire!” He called out and slapped his hand against her arse making her back arch. Her grip on his legs tightened and then her walls clenched around his cock. Saying a thousand prayers in Gaelic, Jamie slid his hands around her waist and pulled her up, bringing her body tight against his chest. One hand wrapped around her stomach while he slid the other to cup one beautiful breast.

Still joined, he held her to him as she took several deep breaths, her chest heaving.

“Sassenach,” he kissed the back of her neck. “I think I might have a heart attack if we dinna take the next one slow,” he chuckled against her mass of wild curls.

“Oh because you’re already thinking about the next round?” She chuckled, turning her head to look at him, “I’m old too, you know.”

“If yer old, then I must be ancient,” he laughed and kissed just under her ear making her shiver. “Ye dinna look a day over thirty.”

“Thirty?! Jamie, if you’re trying to compliment a woman, at least shoot for twenty-five,” Claire moved off him and laid down again. She watched him for a moment, a blissful smile on her beautiful face, “Do you think the mini bar is packed?”

“I’m sure ‘tis,” Grinning, Jamie got up and went to the mini bar, bending to open it. He looked at her, “What do ye fancy, Sassenach?”

“Just surprise me,” She watched him, resting her head in her palm. The mixture of alcohol and simply being with Jamie had her extremely comfortable. Laying naked and uncovered on the bed like she had been many times during their marriage.

Jamie examined the contents of the bar before deciding what to get and making his way back in bed, “Weel I dinna ken how much of a surprise it is but I got the bottle of whisky.”

“Whisky is my favourite,” She purred, sitting up with a grin. She opened the little bottle and emptied it in a second, letting the liquid burn her throat.

“Ye dinna leave any for me?” He pouted, pulling her closer.

Straddling him, Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned closer, “There are other bottles in the mini-bar but I’m pretty sure you can taste it from my lips,” She whispered, sending all the blood rushing down to his cock again. It had been a long time since she had felt this reckless and sexy.

“Christ,... Do ye ken how hot ye are right now, Claire?” Jamie’s hands travelled down her back to get a firm grip on her arse and he pulled her closer, making her moan in the process.

“That whisky is making me all flustered…” She looked at him, a devilish smile on her lips. “Or maybe it’s not really the drink.”

“Is it no’?” Jamie’s lips found her neck, gracing it with nibbles and kisses, his scruff rasping against her delicate porcelain skin.

“Both,” She mumbled, closing her eyes and grinding her hips slowly against him. She knew they were both going to start sobering up soon but she didn’t care. She hadn’t felt like this _\-- like herself --_  in years.

Claire leaned in and bit down gently on his lip, pulling it between her teeth. Jamie made a strangled groan as she laughed and continued to grind her hips against him. He was hard and she knew he must be aching. Sliding her hand over his chest, she took her time as she let it drop and hover over his cock.

“Sassenach,” he gritted out through his teeth and she kissed him before looking down between their bodies. Agonizingly slowly, Claire touched the head and spread his pre-cum around. Jamie’s answering buck up into her hand was all the encouragement she needed -- it had been a very long time since she had done something like this.

She knew what he liked, however, and took him firmly in her delicate surgeon’s hand. With her other hand, she held onto his neck and angled his head to look down between them. Every so often she would grind her core against the tip of his length, drawing out a loud moan from Jamie’s lips.

“I think my heart’s goin’ tae burst, Claire,” Jamie sighed, his forehead pressing against hers. Claire smirked and feeling powerful, she began to pump him in her hand back and forth with steady strokes. His hands on her arse dug in, imprinting her flesh with the touch of his fingernails.

“How does this feel?” She whispered close to his ear.

“Oh God,” he groaned, leaning his head back, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Yer wee hand, Sassenach. I feel like yer sucking my soul out through my cock,” he half laughed and then his body tensed.

Claire watched as he stilled, his lips parted and she reached a hand out to touch his bottom lip. Jamie took her finger into his mouth and sucked hard as she milked the last of his seed. He spilled himself into her hand and finally, she sank down onto him, burying her face into his neck.

******

Claire stirred slowly, opening her eyes and letting the morning sun dazzle her. Her body wasn’t used to such activity anymore and the ache in her legs were a good indication of that fact. Nonetheless, there was a pleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach, a teenage giddiness mostly due to the night she had spent with Jamie. It was the first morning in a long time she had felt like her old self and she knew it was mostly because of him. She didn’t even care about her hangover, just now.

Yawning, she reached next to her to touch him. However, it wasn’t his warm flesh that she found but the cold pillow. Something that erased the feeling in her stomach and replaced it with one of sickness.

Claire rubbed her eyes, sitting up and looked around to see the room empty, with no trace of Jamile. The sight broke her heart altogether once more and a wave of regret took over her body. She had been foolish to think this was anything more than two drunk exes having a one night stand. Not because they were still in love but because they had always been hungry for one another, no matter what. She might still love him, this had just been lust from his part, anyway.

_He was engaged, they were divorced and this shouldn’t have happened._

Cursing herself, Claire leaned back in the bed and noticed the folded note on the empty pillow. She reached for it and opened the paper, it was Jamie’s handwriting. Reading it, she felt the heart she had spent the last ten years mending, breaking all over again.

_“Da Mi Basia Mille”_


	5. Three's a Crowd

_Jamie watched Claire peacefully sleep, curls scattered wildly on the pillow and soft smile on her face. His body was overcome with a sadness at the sudden thought of having to leave her._

_He had no other choice. Their marriage had failed, once. He promised himself he wouldn’t hurt her again and no matter how happy he had felt last night, he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t take the risk to be a man not worthy of her again._

_She had a life now, without him. And he had one, without her. No matter how much it pained him to think they were almost strangers, now, he knew what they had shared during all those years, and still secretly did, was only theirs to have. For the rest of time._

_He got dressed in silence, his eyes never leaving her face. Once his task was done, he wrote a quick note he deposited on the empty pillow next to her._

_His lips burned to kiss her again one last time. But he didn’t, too afraid to wake her up. Instead, he placed a kiss on the tip of his fingers and carefully touched her lips._

_Jamie opened the door and gave one last long look towards the bed before disappearing into the hall and out of the hotel, his heart breaking as he walked away._

**********

It had been more than a month since Alex’s graduation. More than a month for Claire to wash any reminder of Jamie off her body and her mind. But as much as she tried, she found herself even more imprinted with him than she was even during their marriage. 

“You need to go out, Claire,” Louise said as they were having a quiet dinner in the staff’s kitchen. 

“Last time you told me that, I ended up in bed with my ex-husband,” She talked quietly, in case Annalise would be around. Her sight around the hospital was even more deranging to Claire than it had been before her wild night with Jamie back in London. 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t have fun?” The frenchie grinned, “Cause I know perfectly well how much you did.” 

“It’s not the point,” Claire rolled her eyes, “It was wrong and I should have never ended up in his bed, again.” 

“But you love to be in his bed! Don’t say you don’t, yours and Jamie’s sexual life has never been the problem in your marriage.” 

Claire took a spoonful of her soup to prevent saying any further words on the subject and ignored her friend. 

“What’s the real issue?” Louise leaned closer, watching her. 

“Well, apart from the fact that when I woke up, he had deserted the room and left me a pathetic note, he’s engaged.”

“Screw him and got out with someone else! You can have your pick, literally any man working in this hospital wants to go out with you and I’m sure you could pick up anyone in a bar, even your ex husband, you’ve proven that much,” The frenchie wiggled her eyebrows, smirking. 

“Can you keep your voice down?” Claire nudged her, “The last thing I need is for his harlot to hear us.” 

“Truthfully Claire, when did ye ever see her eat in the staff’s kitchen? She’s a nurse acting like the chief of the hospital, she doesn’t mingle with peasants like us. Plus, I don’t think she can handle a proper conversation with people who actually spent years in medical school,” Louise smirked. 

“Well still,” Claire glared at her. “Keep your voice down.” 

“I’ll only keep my voice down if you agree to at least try and go on a date with a man,” Her friend begged her. “Pour moi?”

“Fine! I’ll go on a date but I don’t have a single idea of who to ask to go --” 

“I can arrange something for you,” She grinned, “You know my fifth year intern, Thomas? The braw lad with blonde hair and blue eyes. Plus, I’m not talking to you about his hands, I’m sure those know how to do a couple of things.” 

“The one who’s barely older than my children? Yes, I know which one and no. I won’t go out with an intern.” 

“Good, I’ll keep him for me,” Louise winked, . “Oh! You should ask Arthur! He’s been crushing on ye since we’ve been in school, he’s a respected chief of pediatric and c’est un gentleman. There, you have it.”

“If I see him around today, then I’ll ask.” Claire took a sip of her chamomile tea. “But if I don’t see him, I’m not going out of my way.” 

Louise leaned back in her chair, a wicked gleam in her eye and before Claire could ask her what was up, Arthur walked into the kitchen. Claire cursed under her breath, already regretting what she had said. 

“Good day ladies,” He smiled, opening the fridge. Arthur spent all their medical scholarity trying to seduce Claire, ignoring the fact she was first engaged and then married to Jamie. He was smart and quite handsome, though the total opposite of her ex-husband, with dark hair and green eyes.  Claire hoped that he still felt some attraction for her after all this time, or else should would be going home, nursing her rejection. 

“Hello, Arthur,” Louise smiled and then kicked Claire’s leg under the table. 

“Um, Arthur,” Claire coughed, feeling a red blush creep up her chest and cheeks. “Do you have any plans this weekend?”

“Just the football on the telly, nothing special,” he grinned and leaned against the counter, taking a sip of his coke. 

Claire took a deep breath and with a last glance at her friend, she asked him, “Would you possibly want to have dinner with me Saturday night? If the football isn’t that special?”

Arthur’s face went blank and then slowly a range of emotions crossed his face. First shock, then surprise and then happiness. “I’d love to Claire, I thought you’d never ask.” 

“You could have asked first,” Louise said with a grin before sipping on her drink. Claire looked at her exasperated. 

“Well I did, many times. She always said no,” He grinned, making Claire chuckle at the truth of it. 

“Right well anyway, we have a date then.” Claire smiled and waited until Arthur left the small kitchen before looking at Louise, cheeks furiously red. “I cannot believe I just did that.” 

“It’s about damn time that Claire Beauchamp goes after what she wants,” Louise grinned, “Even if that is just a one night stand with Arthur.” 

“Louise!” Claire rolled her eyes, “I will not be sleeping with him.” 

“Perhaps not on this date, but the second. Arthur won’t wait too long before he expects you to put out,” The frenchwoman flashed her white teeth. 

“I’m not putting anything out for anyone,” Claire felt her stomach tighten at the possibility that their date might actually end up in someone’s bedroom. Jamie was the only person Claire had slept with in the last thirty years. 

“Just have some fun and stop thinking too much about it! And I expect a full summary on Monday morning,” Winking, Louise left the room in turn. 

******

_The dinner had started rather well._

The restaurant was one of Claire’s favourites. Arthur was charming company, being as smart as he was witty and making her laugh like she hadn’t for a long time. She was even starting to believe this wasn’t such a bad idea, after all. They had started onto the second meal when the evening took a turn, the second Jamie walked through the door. 

Claire almost choked on her steak, coughing, her eyes watering at the sight of the tall scot. He was accompanied by an older man, probably some business partner, she thought. 

“Are you alright?” Arthur’s eyes widened with worry, handing her some water. 

“Yes,” She croaked, taking a sip of water, “No worries.”

“I can do pretty decent CPR but don’t make me use it,” Arthur smiled, pouring some more water into her glass. 

“I’ll try,” She faked a smile, her eyes reluctantly staying away from Jamie. She knew he had seen her but she avoided his glance like a plague. 

“Claire.” She took another bite of steak when she heard his voice and froze. Slowly, she brought her eyes up to look at him. 

“Hi,” She mumbled and then glanced over at Arthur who had met Jamie a few times at previous hospital functions. 

“Arthur,” Jamie added politely, through gritted teeth. 

Before either of them could say any more, the hostess told Jamie that his table was ready. With a slight nod of his head, he departed… but not far enough. Jamie took a seat barely five feet away from Claire and Arthur. 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” Claire mumbled and shoved another piece of steak in her mouth. 

Arthur looked at her with an amused smile, taking her hand, “Okay?” 

Claire looked down at their hands, she could sense Jamie’s blood boiling without even looking at him. Smiling at her date, she nodded and held his hand, “Yes, fine. The steak is really good.”

“Care to share some?” 

“Of course,” She smiled seductively before taking another piece of steak and presenting him with her fork. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jamie’s hand gripping the edge of the table, his knuckles white. Serves him right for leaving her just a little note after they had slept together, she thought. 

“Indeed, it’s delicious,” Her date smiled charmingly at her.  

“Can I have a taste of your pasta?” She asked, smiling and biting her lower lip. 

“Of course, darling,” Arthur grinned, his hand still holding hers and then twisted his noodles on his fork and brought it to her lips. She opened her mouth wide, her jaw clicking slightly and then took the pasta into her mouth, moaning as she tasted the creamy sauce. 

“That is delicious, Arthur,” she smiled and squeezed his hand. She only felt a little guilty at playing up her senses with her date, but what else was she supposed to do with her ex-husband sitting feet away. Seeing Jamie’s reaction when he arrived, the only logical thing _to do_ was to make him jealous. 

They continued to eat, sharing bits of their meal and talking about their life and the hospital. It wasn’t too deep of conversation, however, since it was the first date. Claire overheard Jamie discussing with the man about his business and knew that this would be an important client for him. She felt a little guilty that she might have been the cause of distraction on an important night for him. But she had been here first and besides… he was engaged. 

She had not liked the look of jealousy Jamie had on his face the second he had seen her with another man and she intended to show him she did not belong to him anymore. 

When came time to ask for the bill, Claire felt a sense of relief taking over. She could now leave and stop pretending not to see Jamie’s annoyance while she spent time with another man. 

Arthur took care of their dinner and helped Claire back into her coat. She quickly looked at Jamie, giving him a polite smile and a silent “Good evening,” before she followed Arthur out of the restaurant. 

“I’m sorry that my ex-husband sat next to us for the entire evening,” She said sincerely, looking at him while he drove her back home. 

“You don’t have to be sorry for that, Claire,” He smiled, taking her hand, “That’s the kind of thing that happens to me, I go on a date with a beautiful woman and I get murdered by her ex’s glances.” 

“I don’t know what’s his problem...it’s not like he isn’t engaged to someone else,” Claire sighed and didn’t feel the slightest bit odd with her hand in Arthur’s. 

“I guess he was just surprised to see us there? Or maybe, he’s not over you. I couldn’t blame him,” he smiled. 

“Oh trust me, Jamie is very much over me. It’s been ten years now.” Even though they had that night together in London, Claire knew Jamie didn’t still harbor feelings for her, it just wasn’t possible with the way things ended between them after that night. 

“Is he going out with that French nurse? Or am I mistaking her with someone else?”

“No, you’re not. He is indeed going out with Annalise,” Claire rolled her eyes. 

“He went from you to that?” Arthur chuckled, “Interesting.” 

“They’ve only been together for a year or two,” Claire said, recalling the day she found out that Jamie and Annalise were an item. She nearly choked right in front of her salad when the news reached her ears. 

“I see… Anyway, don’t worry about Jamie being at the restaurant, it didn’t spoil my evening.” 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Claire smiled, looking at him once he stopped the car in front of her house. 

“Do you… Do you want to walk me to the door?” Her heart fluttered and while she knew she wouldn’t invite him into her home, she also knew that in the future the time may come. 

“That would be my pleasure,” Arthur kissed her hand before getting out of the car quickly to go and open her door. 

“Ma’am,” He offered her his hand and Claire accepted it, getting out of the car. He didn’t let go of it as he walked her up the few steps and then they stood just outside her door. “I had a lovely time tonight, Claire. Thank you for asking me.” 

“Maybe next time, it’ll be you that does the asking,” Claire grinned. 

“Aye,” He smiled tenderly, his eyes locking with hers, “Claire...can I kiss you?” 

Claire blinked, somehow surprised by his question and yet, not entirely. She had spent a good evening with him, no matter what, and Louise was right. It was time to have fun and stop thinking about the past, “Yes.” 

His lips were warm but she felt nothing. Nothing like the fire that she felt the instant her lips connected with Jamie’s. Not that spark that started at her lips and branched throughout her entire body. Only the feeling of wet lips against hers and nothing more. 

She felt his hands slowly sliding down her back and she pulled away, “Goodnight Arthur.” 

He coughed, looking at her, clearly wanting the night to continue, but she wasn’t ready for that. “Goodnight, Claire. See you on Monday.” 

Watching him walk back to his car, she felt hopeful that one day she really would be able to move on. Once he drove away, she opened her front door and stepped inside, letting out a long sigh for how the night had happened. 

What she needed was a nice glass of whisky and a bubble bath. She shrugged off her coat, letting it drape across the couch as she made her way to the bar cart. Just as she sat down, glass in hand, a knock came from the door. 

“What now, Arthur?” She mumbled as she rose to see what he wanted. Perhaps she had left something in his car and he’d come back to bring it to her. Claire was just toying with the idea of letting Arthur come inside after all when she opened the door to find Jamie. Standing on her porch. Seething with anger. 

“What are you doing here?” She frowned, noticing not only his expression but knowing full well he wasn’t happy. 

“I saw ye kissin’ him,” he said and his eyes darted to the drink in her hand. “I came here to talk, but then… Christ!” His fist crashed against the doorframe making her jump. 

“Jamie, what on earth --” 

“Can I please just come in, Claire? We really need to talk,” Jamie nearly begged her and would’ve got down on his knees if she asked him to. 

“Talk? Why don’t you just leave me another note? And I’ll get back to you,” Claire rolled her eyes and took a long sip from her drink. 

“Note?” Jamie said, confused. “Claire, I didna think ye’d be mad about that wee note. It’s no like we were goin’ to continue sleeping together. We’re divorced if ye dinna recall.” 

“I recall, Jamie.” She spat back at him, “I recall every damn day of my life that our marriage is broken. And I recall every fucking day that I can’t seem to let you go.” 

“ _Sorcha_ ,” Jamie reached forward, his fingers lightly stroking her cheek and she stood still, frozen in place as she watched his eyes come closer -- his mouth come closer. 

“I’ve had enough of pretending I’m alright, Jamie,” She was nearly shaking with anger and frustration. Her own feelings confused her and she knew saying them out loud to Jamie would help nothing. 

“Ye think I’m alright?” He asked, his body now closer to hers as he backed them up further into the house. Her feet caught on the rug behind her and she nearly tripped, but Jamie’s hands caught her waist. With his foot, he slammed the door shut. “I just watched ye flirt wi’ a man all night. Twisting yer hair and feeding him food, Christ… what the hell was that?”

“I was on a date! Am I not allowed to do that? Only you can go and get engaged, but I must sit here at home, the one we bought together if you recall, miserable and alone?” She gritted her teeth, wanting to yank his hands off her waist. 

“No, of course not! But wi’ him? He looks like some creep who only wants to get into yer bed,” he rolled his eyes. 

“Should we talk about the harlot you’re engaged to?! And are you not just some creep who wanted to get into my bed just last month?” She laughed almost manically. 

“Ye invited me in, Claire. And Annalise is of no concern in this conversation…” Jamie gripped her side only tighter. 

“No concern is she? Then how about we call her and let her know that I was riding your cock after Alex’s graduation and she was laying in bed alone and sick all night.” 

“What do ye want from me, Sassenach? Do ye want me to admit that I dinna love her as I love you, is that it?” Jamie leaned down, his eyes boring into hers. 

“You don’t love me! Maybe you used to, but that’s over, Jamie. You should just admit it so we can put this all behind us.” Claire huffed, pressing her lips together. 

Jamie shook her then, her curls flying around her face as they escaped from her loose bun she had meticulously put up for the date. “The only thing I’ll admit is that I was a fool to ever let ye go, Claire Fraser.” 

His lips crashed against hers with such a force, she tumbled back against the stair railing. His hands slid up her sides and she wanted to melt against him and surrender everything to his touch. But then as his tongue parted her lips, she remembered that they didn’t belong to each other anymore. 

“Get off!” She shouted and pushed him back with both hands. “How dare you come to my house and kiss me like some jealous man.” She wiped the back of her hand over her mouth and stared at him, his chest was heaving. “You’re engaged for Christ’s sake. I was on a date whether you like it or not. I’m not your wife anymore, Jamie.” 

Jamie’s hands fell at his sides and so did the hope from his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Claire.” Jamie opened the door and took one last look at her before escaping into the night. 

“Jesus H. Christ,” Claire whispered to an empty house before falling onto her knees as the tears spilled down her cheeks. Her fingers trembled as she touched her lips, still stinging from his kiss. She had felt something then. That same spark, that same electricity as before that always made her come alive. 

_So why did it hurt her so much?_


	6. Moving On

Four weeks. Twenty-eight days. Not a day had passed since Claire had thought of that kiss she shared with Jamie. That kiss that left her on her knees crying in her house wondering what just happened. It had also been four weeks since she’d last seen him. Thankfully, the hospital had kept her far too busy to think too much or to have more than a few words with Arthur. They had barely talked since their date and Claire didn’t want to encourage whatever was going on between them. She wanted to be alone and throw herself into her work. It was the only thing she knew how to do properly at the moment.

She finally had a free day and agreed to spend it with Elena and go shopping in town. She felt fine. Good, even. It wasn’t until she realised what day it was then her heart dropped at her feet again.  _June 16th_. Twenty five years ago, this day, she had married Jamie. It had been a perfect day, with an unfussy ceremony at the courthouse and a honeymoon spent in bed, in their little studio in the east of London.

_“I’m ravenous,” Claire smiled against Jamie’s soft curls. His head lay on her chest, his hands wrapped around her, their limbs intertwined so completely, she didn’t know where he ended and where she began._

_“So am I,” Jamie turned his head and bit her shoulder lightly then soothing it with a kiss._

_“I meant food darling,” she laughed and placed her hand under his chin to look down at him. “Will you get us some cheese and things?”_

_“Aye,” he leaned up to kiss her. “Anythin’ to keep ye well fed for later.”_

_Claire swiped at his bum when he got out of bed and smiled happily as she watched her new naked husband walk to the fridge. Her legs and belly ached and her eyes were heavy from only a couple hours sleep, but her heart was full._

_“Wine?” Jamie asked from the small kitchen and she nodded and leaned back against the pillows, pulling the sheet over her body._

_He came back with a tray of assorted cheeses, crackers and fruit and a bottle of wine tucked under his arm. “There you go my Sassenach.”_

_“Thank you, my love.” Claire kissed him as he sat down beside her and then reached for the small knife to cut into the brie. “I don’t think I want to get out of bed today.”_

_Jamie’s eyebrows rose and he flashed her a smile after taking a bite of a strawberry. “Sounds like a perfect plan, mo nighean donn. No clothes, no moving… well,” he tried to wink at her but failed miserably._

_“Perhaps a shower first and then back to bed,” Claire smiled reaching for the bottle of wine._

_“A bath maybe?” Jamie asked. “I dinna mind havin’ ye lean against me in the warm water.”_

_Claire’s stomach tightened and she didn’t feel hungry anymore – at least not for the food that was before her. “Go turn on the water then,” she purred._

_Grinning like a schoolboy who had just passed a note in class, Jamie slid out of bed and went to their bathroom._

_“Make sure to add the bubbles and oils – ”_

_“Aye, of course!”_

_Claire ate a few more bites of cheese while Jamie finished preparing the bath and then leaned over to place the tray beside the bed. When Jamie came back she was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed and he just stopped, staring at her._

_“Wot?” She asked almost amused at his expression._

_“Yer just so beautiful, mo ghraidh,” he smiled softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I canna stop lookin’ at ye and believing that we really are marrit.”_

_“You better believe it baby,” Claire laughed and then moved to throw her arms around his neck. “For better or for worse, you’re stuck with me now.”_

_“I don’t think you have a worse side,” Jamie’s hands slid down her back and took a firm hold of her buttocks, squeezing it._

_“Neither do you,” she kissed him and placed her hand on the back of his neck and then squealed as Jamie rose from the bed, carrying her in his arms._

_“Tis time to get ye clean Mrs. Fraser,” Jamie said quietly as he walked over to the bath which was almost full of hot water and suds. “Tell me if it’s too hot for ye,” Jamie bent over the tub and Claire dipped her foot in the bath._

_“No, it’s perfect.”_

_“In ye go,” he smiled and gently placed her in the bath, turning off the water and then climbed in behind her._

_“Do yer muscles ache too, mo cridhe?” Jamie placed his legs on either side of her body, letting her lean back against him with her head on his chest._

_“Mmm, very much.”_

_Her eyes were closed and Jamie looked down at her, watching her small smile that was forming on her lips. Claire loved baths and he loved to see her so relaxed. He trailed his fingers lightly on her arms, watching as her skin broke out in goosebumps and her nipples hardened._

_“I would say I’m sorry for yer achy muscles Sassenach, but I dinna apologize because it was ye that wouldna let me sleep last night,” he chuckled softly._

_She opened her eyes then, turning her head to look up at him, “Me? I recall someone who woke me up not long after I finally shut my eyes by kissing the insides of my thighs, hmm?”_

_His cheeks flushed red, “Aye, I did that. But I simply couldn’t get enough of ye – of touchin’ ye.” As he said this, Jamie’s hands moved from her arms to cup her breasts, feeling their full weight. He rolled her nipples between his fingers, pressing firmly._

_Claire sighed, her eyes fluttering and Jamie felt her thighs clench together under the water. His cock was pressed between them and it was growing harder as he felt her smooth skin under his hands._

_“That is a promise I’ll keep, Sassenach,” Jamie kissed her temple and kept one hand on her breast while sliding the other one beneath the water and over her stomach before resting over her pubic bone._

_“Touchin’ ye when knowin’ ye’re my wife…I canna tell ye how it feels to ken ye’re mine,” he whispered to her and she moaned, her body turning to mush. “To hear yer wee sounds when I move my fingers just so.” He slid those same fingers down further in between her legs, touching her slit lightly. Her body responded to him and her back arched._

_“You’re all mine, Jamie Fraser,” Claire opened her eyes to look up at him and he wanted to cry at the look of love in her eyes. He never thought he would feel this lucky to have such a woman._

_“Aye, and yer mine,” he kissed her just as he slid a finger inside her, capturing her moans of satisfaction. With limited space in the bath and fear of water spilling over the top, he could only move slowly, but he liked to drive her wild._

_He moved his finger slowly, almost unbearably so in and out of her. Claire was panting, her breath coming up short as he continued his movements. In her ear he whispered gaelic endearments only making her writhe under his touch. Jamie loved to watch her come undone and planned on doing it for the rest of his life._

“Mam!” Elena had appeared behind Claire and her voice brought her back to reality.

“Hello, darling,” Claire turned around and smiled at her daughter, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Did I scare ye or somethin’?” She grinned, hugging her mother.

“Oh no no,” Claire hugged her back, “Ready to go?”

“Aye,” She kissed her cheek,”Let’s go spend some money!”

“My money, you mean?” Claire smirked, walking to the hall to get her trench.

“Ye said it, no’ me,” Elena returned the smirk and both women laughed as they exited the house.

*****  
  
“What about this?” Elena held up a navy blue jumpsuit in front of her.

“It’s very cute, you should try it on darling,” Claire smiled before continuing her look through the racks. “Are you looking for anything in particular?”

“Well not really but I have this thing in August….”

Claire noticed that her daughter’s voice had gone quiet and high pitched like it usually did when she was uncomfortable, “What thing?”

“Da and Annalise’s wedding,” Elena looked at her mother who had let the jeans she was holding fall on the floor.

Claire had a glass face. It wasn’t a secret and everyone knew about it. As much as she tried to hide the shock and disgust from her daughter, she was aware it was not going to work but Elena had been raised well enough not to say anything. She quickly picked up the jeans, “Oh, they set a date then?”

Nodding, her daughter avoided her eyes, “Yeah…They told us over dinner last night.”

Claire cleared her throat and got back to her browsing, “Do you…uh. Do you already have an idea of what you’d like to wear?”

“No, it’s not like I’m too thrilled on the idea of it, either,” Elena mumbled, “I’ll go try on the jumpsuit.”

“Do that, darling,” Claire gave her a forced smile and sat down as soon as her daughter had disappeared into a changing room.

Her body got hot all of a sudden and her breath started to hiss. A rush of panic took over her and her blouse seemed to be too tight, suffocating her. She took a deep breath, than another. She had the exact same reaction when she had learnt of the relationship of Jamie with Annalise. She got used to it, eventually, because he never seemed to be in a hurry to truly commit to her. But she didn’t think she’d get used to the fact her ex-husband was really about to marry someone else.

Secretly, she had always hoped they would get back together at some point. She didn’t know when but she knew they would, no matter what. He was her person, the one she couldn’t truly live without. Apparently, he had moved on.

“Lenny, I need to use the bathroom,” Claire got up and didn’t wait for her daughter to respond to flee and find a public restroom. No one but Jamie or something related to him could get such visceral reactions out of her.

She locked herself in, opened her shirt and splashed ice cold water on her face and neck. Taking long breaths to calm herself down, “Good God, Beauchamp.” When she looked up at the mirror, she saw the dark circles under her eyes from many sleepless nights. She felt almost pathetic for feeling so heartbroken over a man that hadn’t been hers in ten years.

The heart wants what the heart wants however, and as Claire tried to picture Jamie standing at the altar waiting for Annalise, she rushed to the toilet and threw up. “Bloody hell,” she muttered and rose to wipe her mouth and spit.

After a few minutes, Claire pulled herself together as best as she could and went back to Elena who was waiting by the changing rooms.

“Mam, are ye alright?” She frowned, clearly looking worried.

“Yes yes,” Claire lied, smiling, “I just needed to pee all of a sudden. When you get older and you had three kids your bladder becomes a bitch.”

“I see,” She chuckled, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anythin’ about Da’s…wedding. I mean ye’d know about it eventually but –”

“It’s alright,” Claire touched her daughter’s arm. One more lie was not going to change anything, “So are you getting the jumpsuit after all?”

“Nay, it looked frumpy,” She made a face, “Let’s get some tea or somethin’ and we’ll continue shopping afterward.”

“Sure, love,” Claire smiled, still feeling a bit queasy but took her daughter’s arm and together they went to find a tearoom.

Claire left Elena in the late afternoon and started to walk back to her house. The big and empty house. She knew she should have sold it once all the kids had moved out but she never could bring herself to do it. Too many memories had been made there. Too many happy times stamped in the walls. Maybe she should, after all. It was the last material tie she had that linked her back to Jamie – other than her wedding band still in her jewelry box. Maybe by selling it, she would finally move on and stop living half a lie.

As she made her way home, she pushed any thoughts of Jamie asided as best as she could and did the inventory of important things she had coming up at work. It was the only thing that could take her mind off him. It might have worked a little too well since she wasn’t really looking where she was going and bumped into Jamie as she turned a corner.

Her heel caught on the uneven sidewalk, snapping straight off but thankfully Jamie’s arms were already around her making sure she didn’t fall to the ground.

_“Sassenach.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	7. Collisions

Claire blinked, taking a second to realise she was in Jamie’s arms. Her heel was ruined, she wasn’t all too sure she hadn’t hurt her ankle in the process but there was always something comforting being wrapped safely against him. Until she realised the situation and balanced herself on her feet, pulling away. 

“Hello,” She cleared her throat, brushing off her jacket for no reason other than to avoid his eyes. 

“Ye ruined yer wee shoe,” Jamie stated, leaning down to pick up her broken heel. He slowly leaned back up, his eyes traveling up her body along with his movement. 

“I wanted to get new ones anyway,” She took the heel from his hand and tossed it in her bag, “Thank you for not letting me fall, I guess.” 

“Ye should look where yer going, ye’re gonna hurt yerself like that if ye’re no’ more careful,” His mouth curled up into a smile. 

“I will be next time,” She looked at him, not amused in the slightest. She usually could pull off a polite smile but she had no force for it today. 

“Aye, good, I dinna want ye to get hurt,” He watched her and she almost laughed at his words. 

“Right,” She removed her other heel, “If you don’t mind I was on my way home.” 

Claire didn’t give him time to answer that she had already started to walk towards the house. 

“Wait!” Jamie called quickly, hurrying over to her. 

Slowly, she turned around and looked at him, “Did you forget to tell me something?” 

The Scot didn’t answer right away and she could almost see the wheels turning in his head, wondering if he should tell her about the wedding or not. Before he could take a decision, she did it for him.

“Congratulations on the wedding, Elena told me earlier,” Claire said a bit more bluntly than she intended.

He blinked and opened his mouth to say something before closing it again. 

“I was goin’ to tell ye...I just dinna ken how, ‘tis a bit delicate,” Jamie shrugged, looking as if his shirt was too tight. 

“Delicate would be one word for it yes, not that you are any of my business anymore, Jamie. You have a life, I have mine, we only share the children,”  She scoffed. 

“Come on, ye can admit we share a wee bit more than that…” He looked at her almost pitifully. “What about those years of marriage then? Don’t they mean anythin’ to ye?” 

“Of course they do, it was twenty years of my life but I’m not looking into the past now. I’m looking ahead and your future is with Annalise, you made that very clear and you’re taking a step towards it, I was just stating a fact,” She watched him, ignoring the lump forming in her throat.

“I’m not blaming you if that’s what you believe.” Claire shook her head slightly at her own lie, “Now if you don’t mind, I truly do need to get home, I have to get ready for a work event.”

“The hospital charity dinner?” He asked softly. 

“Yes,” She looked at him and realised he would probably go too, “Are you attending?” 

“Aye,” he nodded, smiling slightly. She knew exactly about what he was thinking, just now. 

“Well...I’ll see you there then,” Claire flashed him a fake half hearted smile and walked past him in the direction of her home. With every step further away from him, her heart was screaming for her to retrace those steps and run back to him. She had let herself sleep with him once and she wouldn’t be making that same mistake. 

******

“What is taking you so long?” Louise sighed, laying on Claire’s bed while she was in the bathroom getting ready. 

“My fucking hair, Louise! It’s nothing new,” Claire said loudly, leaning up the sink to take a look at her white hair taking over her mass of curls. 

“Don’t bother brushing it, let it roam free. Wild!” She heard her friend say, “It always looks best and makes all the men crazy for you.”

“Yes, right,” Claire mumbled before shaking her fingers under her mass of hair to give it even more volume.

“Sors de là!” Louise called exasperated, “We’re going to be late --”  

Sighing, Claire take a last look in the mirror and decided it was decent enough. After all, she didn’t need to impress anyone tonight. Or any night. 

“We’re not going to be late, Louise, just relax,” Claire opened the door and looked at the fellow doctor laying on her bed, legs up against the wall. 

“Look at you,” The french smirked before sitting down properly, “Tits out, Beauchamp?” 

Claire looked down at herself and the mid-length black dress she was wearing. She admitted to herself it was slightly more cut out than she was used to. “What do you mean? It’s not indecent, is it?”

“Non, flaunt them,” She grinned, getting up, “It will just be a shock to everyone used to seeing you in a lab coat. Not that it’s a secret that Dr. Beauchamp has got whatever she needs, wherever she needs it.” Louise gestured towards Claire’s breast. 

“Fine, I’ll change,” Claire smirked, turning on her heels. 

“Don’t you dare!” Louise stopped her, “We don’t have time for it anyway, ma chérie.” 

“All right, then,” Claire grabbed her bag and blazer before following Louise downstairs and out of the house. 

“Is a certain redhead going to be there?” The frenchie asked softly, looking at her. 

“Geillis? Probably, she’s the chief of pediatric after all,” Claire locked the door, ignoring Louise’s question as best as she could. 

“You know I’m not talking about _that_ scottish redhead,” Louise rolled her eyes, walking towards the car. 

“I don’t know another scottish redhead,” Claire grinned, getting into the car. 

Louise laughed, getting inside as well, “Va te faire foutre, Claire.” 

“You don’t have to be rude in french, I understand you, you know,” Claire smiled, starting the engine.  

“I know perfectly well you do,” Louise grinned. 

“And yes, Jamie will be there,” Claire sighed, “I actually bumped into him this morning.”

“You bumped into him? Just like that?”

“Yes, just like that, I wasn’t following him or anything.”

“The weirdest thing about you both is how many times you bumped into one another since you met. Remember the first few day of university? You bumped into him eight times, and that was only in the morning!"

“Yes well I didn’t do it on purpose there, either.” 

“I bet, but I think maybe the universe tries to say things to you about him, at least that’s just my theory,” she winked, leaning back. 

“You also believe every man you meet is your soulmate, Loulou, I’m sorry if I don’t take your theory seriously,” Claire chuckled, giving her a quick look. 

“I might be very wrong about my relationships, I am not about yours, I just think it’s odd you keep bumping into Jamie.”

“Glasgow isn’t exactly a big city like New York, you know? And we live in the same area, always have.” 

“Who exactly are you trying to convince here?”

“No one! I’m just saying...” Claire trailed off. 

“Can I ask you a private question?” 

“A private question?” Claire couldn’t help but smirk, “Since when do you ask me permission for that?” 

“Well now because it’s really private, I know I’m noisy but I’ve known you long enough to permit myself such a behaviour.” 

“Go ahead, what is it that you want to know?” 

“Do you believe Jamie is your soulmate?” 

“I’m not sure I actually believe in that concept, Louise,” Claire shrugged, taken aback by the question. She had thought about this a lot, actually.  

“Bullshit! Just answer my question instead of trying to avoid the point, Beauchamp,” Louise crossed her arms. 

“Fine...Yes, I believe he is. Even if it didn’t work out, it’s the same in my mind. I believe we would have been together forever if we had dealt with things differently. I think we loved one another too much to love each other properly.” 

“So you think we’re only made for one person?”

“Yes I think that, that’s probably why I can’t casually date even if I tried.” 

“My two cents is that I think you still love Jamie and that somewhere deep in your heart, you have still hope that it can work out.”

“No trust me, I don’t have anything buried deep down,” She mumbled, eyes on the road. 

“Why not? After all that night in London only proved you two had unfinished business -- ”

“Because he and Annalise have set a date,” Claire heard her voice grow quiet and her heart nearly broke all over again. 

“Oh.” 

“I always thought he purposely made everything slow about the wedding because maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t sure about it. I thought he proposed to her because I know how annoying she can be when she wants something but I was wrong and it’s fine, if he’s happy, I am too...”

“Do you actually hear yourself sometimes?” Her friend rolled her eyes, “My god, Claire, I want to slap some sense into you! You’re just lucky I got my nails done this afternoon.” 

“Bless the Lord for small mercies, ” The curly head couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“You know me, I’m a hopeless romantic, I can’t help it! And I’m not blind, unlike you, I see how he looks at you. Everyone saw how he looked at you at the kids’ birthday last time or the year before that, or before that. Or even before tha-- ” 

“Thank God we arrived!” Claire interrupted her and parked the car, “I won’t have to hear you again and I can get alcohol.”

“Don’t drink too much, though, we all know what happened last time you were drunk and in Jamie’s presence,” Lou wiggled her eyebrows and got out of the car laughing.  

“Piss off, Louise,” Claire shook her head and got out in turn. 

******

Claire and Louise had arrived a bit late and had to sneak in, quietly finding a table near the back of the room. Attending these functions weren’t Claire’s favorite -- the smiling and mingling with all the other doctors and nurses. She felt somehow fake, like she didn’t belong with them. What she really loved was the work -- the surgeries and how her hands felt with a scalpel in them. 

Jamie had always been the one by her side at these events, keeping her occupied so she didn’t have to talk too long with colleagues she didn’t particularly like. And they had also been known to sneak out to find something else to occupy themselves with. 

_“Where are ye takin’ me, Sassenach?”_

_Claire pulled on his hand as she led him down the hallway and past the open doors where the event was being held. She hated these things._

_“Somewhere with some privacy,” she chuckled, being a bit tipsy. Jamie squeezed her hand as they turned a corner. Claire had led him to one of the staff only bathrooms and now he knew exactly what his wife was up to._

_“Privacy eh?”_

_“Oh hush you,” Claire grinned as she pressed her back against the door, pushing on the handle and dragged him inside. “Lock the door,” she mumbled against his lips as her hands went to work at his buckle. “Why couldn’t you have worn your kilt tonight?”_

_“Well I would have if I’d known ye’d be takin’ advantage of me in a hospital, mo nighean,” Jamie laughed against her mouth, pulling at the hem of her dress to bring it over her arse._

_“My God, Sassenach…” Jamie squeezed her arse, pressing her body on his, “Ye’ve the loveliest wee bum.”_

_“Compliments will take you far. Very far,” she nearly growled and then slid her hand in the front of his pants, taking hold of him. She was quite proud with herself that he was already rock hard and thanked her wee bum for that. His back was pressed against the door and his hands slid over her hips. Then he lifted her up bringing both her legs around his waist._

_He spun her around so her back was now on the wall and she pressed down, rubbing herself against his crotch. “I’ve been thinking about this all night,” she moaned as he kissed along her neck._

_“Then why did we even come to this thing?” Jamie removed one hand from her thigh to free his cock, pressing it against her slit. She hissed and moved her mouth on his._

_“I like to see you dress up,” she laughed. “And I promised my boss I would.” Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight as he pushed upwards and slid home. “Oh!” she cried out and buried her face in the crook of his neck._

_Jamie began to thrust as she pressed down, trying his best to not make too much noise. Her arse filled his hands and he began to bounce her on his length, praying that no one would walk by and hear them. “Christ, Sassenach.”_

_She was making small noises, mewling in his ear and it was enough to drive him over the edge. Her thighs squeezed around him and she joined him, panting and sloppily placing kisses along his jaw._

_“Yer goin’ to kill me one day, Claire,” he smiled and her stomach flipped as it did every time he called her by her name._

_“You can count on that,” she smirked and pressed her lips to his._

“Claire?” Louise waved her hand in front of her face, nearly making her jump. “Are you alright, ma chérie?”

_Was she alright?_ She’d just been remembering a time when Jamie and her had snuck off to the bathroom and had sex. Her stomach felt tight and she could swear she could feel a wetness between her thighs. Claire was most certainly _not_ alright. 

“I’m fine, Louise.” 

“If you say so,” her friend raised her eyebrows and then turned her attention back to the front. Claire followed her gaze and her eyes roamed across the rest of the tables. Jamie was sitting near the front next to Annalise. The sight of the blonde made her throat tighten and all she wanted to do was leave.

“Lady Jane,” Joe snuck behind her, giving her a hug, “I was wondering where you were!” 

“We would have been on time if someone didn’t spend so much time fussing with her hair,” Louise smirked, taking the glass out of Joe’s hand. 

“You do look banging,” He looked at Claire from head to toe, “Too bad I’m gay,” he laughed. 

“Well Arthur isn’t and he’s looking at you,” Louise tilted her head discretely to the side. 

“Don’t start with Arthur again, he barely spoke to me since that date and it’s better this way,” Claire sighed remembering that awkward evening. 

“You are such a nun,” Louise rolled her eyes, sipping on the drink. 

“At least they live in silence and peace,” Claire rolled her eyes, “I’m going to the bathroom and then I’m getting drunk.” 

“Sounds like a marvelous plan,” Louise mumbled as she walked away. Claire couldn’t stand to see Jamie with Annalise and the only thing that would get her through this was a copious amount of alcohol. 

Her heels clicked on the tiled floor as she made her way to the bathroom. In another life, she might have been dragging Jamie with her to do what they’d done so many times before. But this was the life she had. Alone and wishing for something to change. 

The lights in the bathroom were very unforgiving and her grey hairs were more visible. She pulled out her lipstick and reapplied before sighing and grabbing a paper towel and wiping most of it off. 

“You’ll get through this, Beauchamp,” Claire said to herself and then turned to leave. As she rounded the corner, however she bumped into someone. 

_Of course… it was Jamie._

“Sorry,” she apologized and tried to move around him, avoiding his eyes.

“We’ve got to stop doin’ that,” he laughed, his hands firmly on her waist. 

Claire finally looked at him and couldn’t help but smile, hearing his laugh, “It does seem like we have a knack for bumping into each other.” 

“Aye,” Jamie grinned. He stood there, his blue eyes staring down at her and she wondered if she would ever be able to look into his eyes without feeling anything. “Are ye alright? I ken ye never did like these things.” 

“I’ll be fine once I get a drink or five,” Her smile grew at that. 

“I thought I would never have to come to one of these things again, but…” he trailed off, coughing and then removed his hands from her waist as if he just realized he was still holding onto her. “Have a good night, Claire.” 

“You too, James.” She let him step aside, but before he could get too far away, she grabbed his arm making him turn back to look at her. “Jamie…” 

He was there in a heartbeat. His lips hovering over hers and all it would take was for her to lean up and kiss him. _She wanted to. She was about to. She almost did._

“Claire…” Jamie blinked, biting his lower lip, “We canna.” 


	8. A Vow

Jamie woke up on the morning of his wedding day feeling nervous. And not the kind of nerves that someone was supposed to get on their wedding day. He was worried he was making a huge mistake. Sure, he loved Annalise, but more and more lately he was wondering if he only loved her as a friend loves a friend.

He had known love before – earth shattering, mind blowing, all consuming love. He had known that type of love and he was aware it didn’t happen twice in a lifetime. He was also very aware of the fact he had failed Claire and the sheer idea of ever doing it again ate away at him. He was there, the day of his wedding, thinking about his ex-wife.  _It wasn’t how it should be._

The rest of the morning went on rather normally. He went for a run, showered, ate his porridge and even had time to consider calling Claire but he put an end to that idea quickly. Instead, he kept wondering what she must be doing. Or thinking. The girls were with Annalise helping her get ready at the church while Jamie and Alex were now dressed and waiting in their own private room.

“Are ye nervous, Da?”

“I wouldna say nervous, nay,” Jamie took a deep breath.

“Then what is it? Ye’re no’ really lookin’ thrilled if I’m honest,” Alex laughed a bit.

“‘Tis just…” He looked at his son, “Dinna fash it’s nothin’,” Jamie waved his hand at his son and leaned forward on the chair.

“Did ye ever think ye’d get married again?”

“Och, nay, I never thought I would. When ye get marrit the first time ye dinna really think ye’ll do it again,” Jamie smiled thoughtfully.

“How do you ken someone is the right person for ye? Like…is it somethin’ ye realise gradually? Or ye guess or –”

“Ye just ken it, as soon as ye’ll see her, Alex,” he smiled, thinking about the first time he saw Claire, and he felt his heart squeeze.

“It worked the second time too?”  Alex watched him attentively.

Jamie shook his head, “Nay, it only works once.”

“Only wi’ mam…” Alex looked at his father and tilted his head. “Da ye dinna have to get married if ye aren’t sure about it, I bet Annalise would understand and it doesn’t mean ye don’t love her –”

Jamie’s eyes widened as he looked at his son. He had been sure he had kept his feelings to himself but it seems maybe he had adopted a bit of Claire’s glass face in their marriage.

“I dinna think Annalise would be too pleased if I did that,” his fingers tapped against his knee. “I do love her and I think it will be a fine marriage.” His voice sounded different and Jamie wondered who he was trying to convince, just now.

“Fine is not verra good, Da…” Alexander remarked softly.

Jamie was silent for a moment as he looked at his son, “Would ye want yer Mam and me to get back together?” He knew this was probably inappropriate to be asking his son, but he had to know.

Alex nodded, “Of course, Da. I always looked up to ye both and yer marriage. Even if I didna appreciate it until it was over. I remember the way ye were wi’ Mam and I never saw half of it wi’ Annalise, I just dinna want ye to regret something is all.”

“Alex…”

“‘Tis no’ even about me wanting my parents to be together, it’s about wanting you both to be happy and as far as I’m concerned, I dinna believe ye can achieve such a thing without one another, just stop bein’ so stubborn,” Alex rolled his eyes, exasperated.

“‘Tis no’ as simple as that,” Jamie ran his hand through his curls.  _Maybe it wasn’t so difficult, after all?_

“Why did ye rush the wedding all of a sudden? Ye seemed perfectly fine avoidin’ it and bein’ engaged forever with Annalise, what happened? ”

“I dinna ken,” Jamie said firmly, his mouth presses together in a tight line. “I just had to do somethin’.”

“What kind of somethin’? Was it Ma? Did somethin’ happen between the two of ye that us kids dinna ken about?”

There was no way in hell Jamie was going to tell any of his children about that night after Alex’s graduation. But it was clear that his son was sensing something was off – had been off ever since that night.

“Ye dinna need to fash yerself about it son,” Jamie pressed his hand on Alex’s shoulder and rose from the couch to check his hair in the mirror. “I’m gettin’ married today… what’s done is done.”

******

Claire rubbed her eyes as she made her way out of the hospital. She had worked all night, successfully replacing a heart. During the long hours of the procedure, she had hoped it was her own heart she was replacing. For a new one, that had never been broken and was now half mended. But sadly it wasn’t. She would have to live with her heart in such a state for the rest of her life, no matter how long or short it would be. She hated herself for feeling this way. Weak for a man who didn’t want her anymore. But it wasn’t any man. It was Jamie.

Her Jamie. And when it came to the scot, Claire was irrational and completely blinded – no matter how hard she had tried to move on.

The surgeon needed a shower, a glass of whisky and her warm bed. She also needed to forget what day it was but she couldn’t. She knew exactly what was going on today. And at what time it would start. She knew the venue and the number of guests – because her ex-husband’s soon-to-be new wife had told her so and anyone who cared to listen at work. She knew the type of dress she’d be wearing. And the shoes. She knew everything. What Claire didn’t know was why Jamie was getting married again.   
  
It’s not that she didn’t know. It was that she didn’t dare to think of the reason.  _Love_. Most likely. A sentiment deep enough for him to decide to spend the rest of his life with another woman. When he had started to date Annalise, she almost found it funny. After all, they had been divorced for eight years, back then. He had never been with anyone until the french nurse. Claire never thought it would last very long. It was most likely a fling because he felt alone. The kind of fling she had once or twice that never lasted much more than a few days.

She had been wrong. It was apparently fare more than just that. The sooner she’d accept it, the better she would start to feel.

The minute she got home, she poured herself a glass and sipped it as she made her way upstairs, to the bathroom. She got undressed, tossing her clothes around and stepped under the boiling water, letting it burn over her porcelain skin. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She wished she had done so many things differently. She wished she had made things work with Jamie, even if they had been really bad, back then. After all, neither one of them cheated or stopped loving the other. They could have worked their way out of the fog they were in and made it through, stronger.  _And together._ But they hadn’t. It was too late now.

Claire knew one day she would make peace with this entire situation. She thought she had a long time ago. Now holidays and birthdays would always be a reminder once again that her marriage had failed every time she saw Annalise. She didn’t want to share any part of her life, her children, with that woman and she hated that she didn’t have a say. Jamie was not hers to tell what to do or who to love or not to love. What she needed to do was release him. But in the releasing of him… she was also getting rid of a part of herself.

She reluctantly got out of the shower after almost twenty minutes and dried her body and hair quickly. She changed into a nightgown and crawled into bed. She knew she’d dream of Jamie but she was too exhausted to fight it this time. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she let slumber take over her body and James Fraser over her mind.

*****  
  
A knock came from the door before it partially opened and Elena stuck her head in. “Annalise is almost ready, Da. Ye should take yer place at the altar,” she smiled softly.

“Aye, I will.” He smiled and walked over to his daughter, kissing her on the cheek. All of his children had been so supportive in his new relationship, but he couldn’t help but wonder if his daughter’s felt the same as Alex.

“Ye look beautiful , a leannan,” He touched her cheek, “Ye took everythin’ after yer Mam.”

“Thanks, Da,” she blushed. “I wish she was here,” she said and then saw Jamie’s expression. “Only because it doesna feel right without her here but of course she wouldna come to this. It would be weird.”

“Aye,” his lips curled up on one side before falling into a frown.

“I hope someday she’ll find someone who makes her happy like Annalise makes you, though, I’m tired of seeing her alone,” Elena said. “Sorry, Da… I didn’t mean to bring up Mam.”

“Tis fine, a leannan, it’s normal for ye to think of yer Mam on a day like this. She deserves to be verra happy, aye,” He kissed her cheek. “I best get to the front. I’m sure Annalise is waiting now.”

“She’s been screaming all day,” Elena rolled her eyes. “Seems nothin’ has gone to her plans.”

“Ah, great,” Jamie laughed and then watched his daughter walk back to his soon to be wife’s room.

“Come on lad,” Jamie took one last look in the mirror before leaving and making his way into the hallway. With every step he took, Jamie felt his heart clenching. His mind was at war and he thought he might just be sick too.  _Could he really do this?_

He could see it now – the altar. But what he couldn’t see was himself standing up there beside Annalise vowing to love her until death do them part. He saw Claire, the way she had looked at the courthouse the day they got married. With her curls wild around her face and her little white dress and converse.

Jamie’s heart was miles away, probably at home with a glass of whisky in hand. Not just feet away in another room, wearing an expensive wedding dress. He should have realized it sooner than this and he hated himself for it – but he couldn’t marry Annalise.

“I canna do it,” he said mostly to himself but also to Alex who had stopped beside him.

“Canna do what, Da?” His son frowned, looking at his father. “Tis just a few more steps…”

“I canna marry her, Alex. Ye ken it as well as I do that I’m no happy unless I’m wi’ yer Mam. Annalise is a kind woman, but she is no the one for me. I already have my person.”

Alex smirked, “Well go then, Da. Go find her. I’ll let everyone know.”

“I’m a coward,” Jamie sighed. “It should be me to tell Annalise–”

“No, Da. The only thing ye should concern yerself is gettin’ to Mam, it’s her who needs ye now,” Alex hugged him and then pushed him away towards the door. “Go! Tell her I said hi!”

Suddenly the steps came easier and Jamie broke out into a run. The church wasn’t far from Claire’s –  _their_  – house. He was dressed in a kilt and running through the streets of Glasgow, but he didn’t care. He had to get to her, to tell her everything.

******

Claire’s mind was numb, she didn’t know for how long she had been sleeping.  As well as her body, her limbs felt heavy and she didn’t want to get out of bed just yet. When she heard a tapping on her window, she rolled over onto her side, pressing the pillow over her head.

“Go away damn birds!” She groaned.

The tapping persisted and then it sounded an awful lot like the window was being opened. Claire rolled over to face the window and nearly fell off the bed when she saw a man climbing through her window.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! What the bloody hell!” She scrambled off the bed, eyes barely opened and still heavy with slumber. She threw the first thing she found at the man.

“Claire! Sassenach, stop, tis me!”

She whirled around, her eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room – she must have dozed for hours. “Jamie? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be getting married right now?” Her eyes flashed to the alarm clock beside the bed and it was exactly the time he should be getting married.

“I couldn’t go through wi’ it, mo nighean donn,” Jamie took a step forward until he was right in front of her.

“Well why ever not?” She was confused. Surely, she was still very much asleep.

He laughed softly, sliding his hands to cup her cheeks. “Because of ye, Sassenach. It’s always been you.”

“Me?” She nearly choked on the word, not quite believing she was even awake. “But you love her, you love Annalise.”

Jamie shook his head, “Nah. I thought I did, but I canna ever love another woman the way that I love you. Oh Claire…” he sighed, “Yer all I think about. Ever since the day we signed the divorce papers, ye havena left my thoughts.”

“This won’t work, Jamie. It ended for a reason,” Claire tried to reason with him, but on the inside she was screaming. This is what she wanted – for him to choose her all over again.

“Aye, it did. We were different people and we learned things since then,” Jamie slid one hand to her waist and then took her left hand in his. “Tell me, Sassenach. Tell me ye havena thought of me and I’ll leave. Tell me ye dinna love me anymore and I swear ye willna have to ever see me again if ye dinna wish to – ”

“You know I’ve never stopped,” she interrupted his speech and finally allowed herself to relax in his arms. He brought her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “It’s always just been the two of us.”

“Against the world,” he smiled tenderly. “Time may try to keep us apart, Sassenach, but what we have – our love is stronger than it all. Ye ken it as much as ye…I’m tired of bein’ a fool – ”

“Are you going to kiss me at some point, or…?” Claire smiled mischievously, licking her lips.

“Aye,” he chuckled, wrapping both his arms around her and she leaned up to meet him halfway.


	9. A Second Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to this story has been absolutely amazing, we can’t thank you enough for each and every comment! just the epilogue to go!

Claire’s hands came up to cup his cheeks, pulling him down further to her. She could hardly still believe he was here – today of all days, but now wasn’t the time for questions.

“I’ve thought of nothin’ else, but yer body stretched out,” Jamie mumbled against her lips, “Naked and mine.”

Claire took a step backwards until her legs hit the bed and she sat down, looking up at Jamie, “I’m yours… forever.”

“Aye, I’m no lettin’ ye get away this time, Sassenach. Never again…I was a fool,” Jamie grinned as he came down on his knees, his hands on her thighs pushing the material of her nightgown up. Her legs were trembling as he spread them slowly apart, opening her up.

“I haven’t um –” she stammered, leaning back on her elbows as Jamie placed a kiss on the inside of her thigh. “No one’s done this to me in a very long time,” she said shyly.

“I hope twas me that was the last, mo nighean,” he nipped at her skin, brushing his stubble along her thigh as she always liked.

“It’s possible,” she teased, running a hand through his thick curls. Her breath hitched as he hooked both fingers in her panties and she lifted her hips to help him take them off. Her nightgown was bunched around her waist and she stared down at Jamie who was looking up at her from between her thighs. “Please,” she whispered and then he was there. In the most intimate place, his tongue was licking lightly in small strokes as his finger slid inside.

“Jesus H.,” she sighed, leaning back on her elbows, her head lolled to the side as she watched him. His head bobbed up and down and the sounds he was making was driving her mad. Claire knew she wouldn’t last much longer if he continued like this, but she had no strength to push him away and bring him up to her. So instead, she gave in. Parting her legs wider, she pressed a hand to the back of his head and held him steady, letting moans of her own mix with his.

In no time, she was crying out his name, “Jamie Jamie Jamie,” her breathing heavy and she opened her eyes to slits as she saw him wipe his mouth on the back of his hand. “Come here,” she opened her arms for him and he crashed into her.

Hands raced to rid each other of their remaining clothes. In fact, Jamie was still dressed in his wedding attire and it was only just now as she helped him unbutton that she realized this. She shook her head to dispel the thoughts that she was sleeping with someone else’s man away – Jamie was hers, always had been and always will be.

Jamie laughed as he stood up near the edge of the bed, pulling on his belt that held up his kilt and it fell to the floor with a thud. A true Scotsman, he stood before her now, naked and clearly wanting her.

“Do ye want me, Claire?” He asked, climbing onto the bed, positioning himself on top of her.

“Yes,” she slid her hand between their bodies, taking hold of his cock. “Yes, I want you.”

As Jamie pressed forward, she guided him home. It was relief that they both felt in that moment. Of finally being together – in every sense of the word. There was no one in between them now and there was nothing that would separate them.

“Harder,” she begged, wrapping one leg around his waist to push him deeper. “Oh, God!”

Jamie’s hips rolled with an unrelenting force behind them, never yielding, always pushing. His mouth was sloppy and hot on hers, capturing her moans in his mouth. “Oh God, oh Claire!” He had her speared to the bed, body and soul open to him for the taking and he took it.

Claire wrapped her arms around his back, her hands trailing up and down his body, desperate to feel him in her hands. To feel how real this was. “I’m gonna–” she cried, her eyes squeezing shut as Jamie hit that one spot inside her that made her see fireworks.

There were tears on her face and she realized this as Jamie pressed his thumb against her cheeks, wiping them away. His hips stilled as he came, repeating her name as a prayer until finally, he lay on top of her, their heartbeats synced.

“We’ve still got it, aye?” Jamie grinned as he lifted up on his arms and pulled out of her.

“Always have, Fraser,” she laughed, her hand resting over her stomach. “If I knew it’d be this good, I would have never let you leave that hotel room.”

“Was it no good then?” He rolled to his side, his head propped on one hand while his other traced lazy circles around her breasts.

“Oh, it was amazing,” she assured him. “But it felt different this time – like it used to be.”

“Because I ken I have yer heart as ye have mine, Sassenach,” he kissed her deeply, lingering in the taste of her. “Blood of my blood, ye ken.”

“Back in London, I thought…” She looked at him, “I thought we were starting over, in a way. I mean, I know we were both drunk but I know you, even alcohol couldn’t make you follow a woman into her hotel room, I thought we were kind of getting back together. But you left that morning.”

Jamie looked down, ashamed, “Aye, I did.”

“Why?” She lifted up his chin to make him look at her, “And why did you leave me that note? How did you want me to interpret that?”

“When I woke wi’ ye in my arms, I felt so happy…So damn happy,” He touched her cheek, “I remembered how it was not to feel hollow or sad, longing for somethin’ I could never have again. I didna want to leave ye, I swear but then I remembered I had failed our marriage once, I couldna risk to do it again and hurt ye. I ken it wasna the best move to simply disappear, even less leavin’ ye that note but I dinna want ye to think it had been just one time like that, just for pleasure.”

“Well that’s exactly what I thought,” Claire admitted quietly, her voice almost cracking. “You made me feel cheap.”

“I’m sorry, Claire. Truly, I am. I never thought ye’d want me again…I got scared because the one thing I had wanted most in life was finally happenin’ and I didn’t know what to do. How to handle things… And I handled them poorly.”

“Then why did you rush into the wedding?” She watched him, not sure she truly wanted to know the answer to her question.

“I was angry after what happened at the house after yer date wi’ Arthur…’Tis no’ excuse and I had no right to be but I was. I thought ye truly didna want me, I thought I might as well finally give Annalise what she wanted, after all, I didn’t think you’d unhappy to finally get rid of me for good.”

“Get rid of you for good? Our marriage failed once because we didn’t talk or communicate enough. Do you realise we need to start doing it now or we’ll make the same mistakes twice and I don’t want us to do that.”

“I ken, mo nighean donn,” He whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

“Can ye forgive me? It was unfair to everyone me almost goin’ through wi’ this wedding…I never loved Annalise, I can’t possibly spend the rest of my life wi’ her.”

“From this day forward, we must communicate always, Jamie,” Claire looked up at him earnestly. “There is no room for secrets or lies anymore.”

“I promise ye,” He leaned down and sealed their lips to reaffirm his promise.

“Did you really never love Annalise?”

“Never, Sassenach. I ken how bad that sounds but ‘tis the truth…We were never compatible her and I. No’ only didn’t we have anything in common, there’s only one woman I loved in my life and she’s next to me right now.”

Claire’s mouth curled up into a smile, “I love you.”

“I love  _you, a nighean donn._  I have loved ye from the moment I saw ye, I will love ye ’til time itself is done, and so long as you are by my side, I am well pleased wi’ the world.”

“Come here,” Claire moved slightly and wrapped her arms around him. Closing her eyes to hold him.

Jamie held her tightly, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. She couldn’t help but let the tears roam free. After all, she had waited ten years to be in his arms like this again. Ten years where whenever she had wanted to cry, nothing came up. And those weren’t sad tears.

“Dinna cry, a nighean,” He whispered, stroking her back, “Please dinna weep.”

“I’m sorry,” She looked up at him, smiling through the tears, “I’m just so happy right now.”

“Aye, so am,” He wiped her cheeks, smiling and kissed her again, “Dinna move.”

Claire watched as Jamie got up and made his way towards her dresser. He looked at her for a brief moment before he turned his attention back to her jewelry box. He opened it and carefully took her wedding ring placed in its original velvet pouch. He walked to the bed again, sitting down, “Gimme yer hand, Claire.”

Looking at him, her vision blurred again and she obliged, holding out her shaking hand.

“Da mi basia mille,” He whispered, sliding the ring back where it belonged. His own tears strolling down his cheeks.

Claire cupped his cheeks, pulling his face closer to hers and kissed him. Slowly and tenderly, moving to straddle him. “Give me a thousand kisses,” she leaned in, placing one of a thousand kisses to his lips.

His hands gripped her waist, holding her steady on top of him as she began to roll her hips, “And I’ll give ye a thousand more, Sassenach.”

******

“What am I going to say to Annalise at work now?” Claire was still lying next to Jamie, the sheet haphazardly covering their legs.

“Nothin’, this isna supposed to be office talk,” he stroked her hair back, “And I need to talk to her first, I dinna think she is all too happy about how today turned out.”

“Well I know that but I doubt she’ll be as professional,” Claire sighed, nuzzling his neck.

“Then just fire her, ye can do that no?” He grinned, looking down at her.

Claire looked at him, bursting into a laugh, “As tempting as it is, it would probably make things worse, darling.”

“Ye’re right,” He grinned, kissing her lips briefly,  “She’ll be fine, dinna worry about her. She probably hates me but I’m sure in no’ time, she’ll have found a rich lad ready to spend all his money on her and she won’t show up at work again.”

“Most likely,” Claire turned onto her stomach, resting her chin on his chest, “Can we stop talking about her now?”

“Aye,” He stroked her cheek, smiling.

“You know…” She placed kissed on his stomach, “The space in the closet is still empty if you want to fill again with your clothes, it’s all yours.”

“I’d be verra happy to, mo nighean donn,” He smiled, stroking her curls back. “I’ll go tomorrow and fetch my things. I’ve missed this house.”

“Have you missed other things about this house?” Claire smirked, lightly tracing her hand down his chest.

“Aye, I’ve missed the shower,” Jamie laughed. “Great water pressure, ye ken?”

“Oh I ken,” Claire said softly, leaning in to kiss him and then pulled back, climbing off the bed and taking him with her. “Want to revisit that part of the house?”

“God yes,” he moaned and followed her into the bathroom.

A moment later, Claire was standing under the hot water – her second shower of the day – but this time Jamie’s hands were massaging her scalp with shampoo. It was the most glorious feeling to have someone wash your hair, let alone Jamie.

“I love the way the soap looks on yer skin,” Jamie leaned down, kissing her neck. “The way it feels so slippery under my hands.”

“I bet you’ll feel slippery too,” Claire grinned, turning around in his arms and gathering soap suds from her hair and bringing them to his pubic hair. “You need a wash down there right?”

“Christ, Sassenach,” Jamie muttered through his teeth, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head as Claire took him in her hand and began to work him at a maddening pace.

Once they had both rinsed off the remaining suds and dried off, Claire laid back down on the bed, wrapped in a towel while Jamie went to grab them a couple glasses of whisky. She felt like she was on her honeymoon – doing nothing but make love and lounging around.

“Jamie?” She called loudly.

“Aye, a nighean?” He walked back into the room, smiling. Holding two glasses of whisky, “Somethin’ a miss?”

“No,” She grinned, looking at him, “I was just thinking that maybe we should take some days off somewhere?”

“‘Tis a good idea,” He sat down on the bed and kissed her cheek, “Anywhere ye’d like to go?”

Sitting up, Claire took a glass from his hand and sipped it, “I don’t know…Maybe we could go to the highlands? Or the seaside? I don’t think it matters, really. You know as well as I do that we won’t leave the hotel,” She chuckled.

“I canna fault ye there,” He kissed her and licked his lips, “Whisky always taste better from yer lips, do ye ken that?”

“No, I did not,” She grinned, taking a sip, “Now I do.”

Jamie put his glass down on the table beside him and leaned back, resting one arm behind his head and the other around her waist. Claire sat back on the bed and watched him, looking up at his face. She observed how over the course of ten years his body had mostly stayed the same but now there was an even more defined quality about him. He had more white hairs and a few more wrinkles, but she loved every one of them.

They were starting over, a new beginning and this time – she knew it would last.


	10. Epilogue

**_5 years later_ **

Since that day when Jamie came tumbling through Claire’s window and they vowed to reconnect, things hadn’t been smooth sailing. Every day was work and it was tough to build back that trust and foundation that they had lost over the years. Together, they took their relationship one day at a time, connecting in old and new ways and always putting the other one first. 

Only five months after admitting they never truly stopped loving one another, they remarried in the Highlands. It was a small affair with only their children and Louise in attendance. 

_Claire was nervous. Even after all these years, Jamie still had the ability to make her knees weak with just one look. They didn’t want to make a big deal out of getting remarried which was why their whole family had come up to the Highlands to a cottage fit for all of them. Of course, Claire had invited Louise to come along, mostly just to help calm her nerves and also to help her look beautiful._

_“There,” her friend brushed lightly against her cheeks and then took a step back. “Magnifique,” she kissed the tips of her fingers. “Very natural and light, but very beautiful. I wasn’t there for your first wedding, which is why you ended up marrying in Converse but I’m glad I’m here now.”_

_Claire chuckled and shook her head, “I’m glad you’re here too, Loulou.”_

_Turning around on the plush stool, she looked at herself for the first time that day in the mirror. There were certainly a few more lines and grey hairs that hadn’t been there on her first wedding day to Jamie. Her wedding dress wasn’t a dress, but a cream colored pant suit that showcased Jamie’s favorite assets of hers. The riotous curls couldn’t be tamed, but Louise managed well enough and pinned it elegantly back to frame her face._

_“What do you think girls?” Claire asked her daughters, standing up from the stool and doing a little spin._

_“Gorgeous Mama!” Elena smiled, clapping her hands._

_“Da is gonna lose his mind when he sees ye,” Julia smirked, taking a picture of her mother._

_“I can’t believe I’m getting married again,” Claire took a deep breath, “And to the same man!”_

_Everyone laughed and as the laughter died down, Claire opened her arms to hug her two girls. “I love you very much my darlings. Your father and I both do, I just want to thank you both and your brother of course, for putting up with us while we sorted things out.”_

_“We love you too, Mama and we’re so happy you both are together again. We really are,” Elena and Julia kissed her cheeks. “Now, it’s time to get you married!”_

_“I suppose it is!”_

_Claire twisted the silver ring on her right hand -- it had once been on her left hand, but Jamie had been dropping hints of a new ring. Not that she needed something new, but it was sweet of him to want to mark the occasion._

_Louise held the door open of the small room and Julia and Elena went first, followed lastly by Claire. The ceremony was being held outside near tall standing stones that were behind the cottage. Jamie had arranged for a priest to officiate the wedding and Claire could just see them now -- Jamie, Alex and the priest all waiting outside._

_A highlander in full regalia is an impressive sight no matter how old, ill favored, or crabbed in appearance. A tall, straight bodied, middle aged highlander was breathtaking. And he was all hers._

_Claire started to make her way toward Jamie slowly, their eyes locked. She couldn’t do anything but smile and felt a lump in her throat as she noticed how teary Jamie’s eyes had gotten. The wind blew all around them, lifting up the end of his kilt and Claire couldn’t help but giggle a little._

_It wasn’t a long walk to him, but when she finally reached him, she breathed a sigh of relief. There was no turning back now._

_“Ye look beautiful, Sassenach. The most stunnin’ bride I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he took her hands, squeezing them tightly._

_“You’re not too shabby either, my darling,” The corner of her mouth flicked up into a mischievous grin. Jamie knew what wearing his kilt did to her._

_They followed the priest’s instructions fairly easily and when it came time for the rings, Jamie did in fact pull out a new ring, holding it delicately in his hand. “It belonged to my mother,” he smiled proudly. “I always planned to give it to ye someday, now seems like the right time.”_

_“It’s gorgeous, Jamie,” Claire smiled, tears filling her eyes as Jamie slid on the ring. It really was beautiful, vintage of course with a silver band to match her other one and adorned with a white diamond in the middle, surrounded by two emeralds. Once the ring was safely on her left hand, Claire slid Jamie’s ring onto his hand, squeezing it tightly._

_“Now it’s time for the symbolic blood vow,” the priest said and Jamie pressed his wrist to Claire’s._

_“Ye are blood of my blood and bone of my bone, I give ye my body, that we two might be one,” Jamie smiled and Claire finished, “I give you my spirit, til our life shall be done.”_

_The priest looked at them, slightly smiling, “I now pronounce ye man and wife. Ye may kiss yer bride,” He looked at Jamie._

_Claire stepped a bit closer, her eyes never leaving his, and smiled, “Da mi basia mile...”_

_Jamie cupped her face, he had tears strolling down his cheeks and so had Claire. He leaned down and sealed their lips for a long moment._

_“Ye go, Da!” Elena exclaimed loudly as everyone erupted into cheers._

_Claire chuckled against his lips, holding him close, “We’re married!”_

_“Aye, Sassenach,” He smiled widely, “Thank Christ, we are.”_

After their little wedding and a honeymoon in Italy, Jamie and Claire went back to a routine as a married couple. Claire realised how much she had missed having him around, even to simply share silence with. She also finally felt like the missing piece of her heart was back. And she felt like she was walking on a cloud. She cut back from the hospital and started a private practice to be able to spend more time at home with Jamie, and with the children. Annalise reacted to the news better then they both had anticipated. After a tantrum at the ceremony and another when Jamie finally went to talk to her, things calmed down. When Claire went to work the monday following the weekend that should have been Jamie’s wedding to the nurse, she had resigned and moved back to Paris. 

Now, she was married to a rich french investor and she was busy spending all his money Avenue Montaigne. Or at least, that’s what Louise -- who knew all of Paris -- told Claire at a dinner once. 

Days turned into months and into years. Julia had gotten married two years ago and recently gave birth to a little girl, Isla. Alex had moved to London and Elena worked with Jamie at his law firm. 

Everyone was up in the Highlands to spend the holidays there. While Jamie was sound asleep next to her, Claire was restless and looked at the clock. It was the middle of the night and she could hear the baby cry on the other side of the hall. 

Carefully, she got up and put on her bathrobe. She gave a look towards her husband before walking out silently. She found Julia walking around, rocking her daughter, and she smiled at the sight. Her baby girl was a mother now. It was funny how time flew by without anyone noticing.  

“Darling,” Claire said in a low voice, walking over her daughter, “Do you want me to take care of her?” 

Julia smiled softly, nodding, “She ate, I don’t know what’s wrong with her…”

“Go back to bed, my love,” Claire kissed her daughter’s temple and took her crying granddaughter in her arms. “I’ll take care of her.” 

She held her close, slowly rocking her and whispered, “You do have great lungs, wee lamb. You’re going to wake up everyone, at this rate.”

Julia watched them, “Thank you mom, I owe you one.” 

“I don’t mind at all,” She smiled, not taking her eyes off her granddaughter, “It’s just some colics, I’ll make them pass while you go and rest.”

“I love you,” Julia kissed her cheek and her daughter’s head before going back to her room. 

Claire made her way downstairs to the library and sat down on the leather sofa. She laid Isla on her chest and slowly started to rub her stomach.

“It’s not nice to keep your mother up at night like that, but I guess it’s payback for when she did it to me huh?” Claire couldn’t help but smile, thinking about her own children when they were that age and how desperate for sleep and silence she had been. 

“But then you have an excuse, you have colics,” She whispered, noticing her granddaughter was settling and her cries had stopped, “Your mother only cried because she wanted to be held.” 

Claire pulled her leg up and shifted the baby carefully, laying her against her legs and holding her little hands, “You look just like her and like your grandpapa.” She smiled, kissing the tip of her nose. Claire didn’t know it, but Jamie had woken up as she climbed out of bed and was now standing in the doorway, watching his wife and granddaughter. 

During the years they spent apart, he had wondered what it would be like when they had grandchildren. He was just happy now that they were together and could all be a proper family again. There was nothing Jamie loved more than seeing his wife smile and he saw that same sweet smile on Isla’s lips. Knocking lightly on the door so not to disturb them, he smiled as Claire turned to look over at him. 

“I thought you were asleep,” Claire whispered. “Did I wake you?”

“I always wake when you do, Sassenach; I sleep ill without ye by my side.” Jamie kissed the top of her head and sat down beside her, stroking Isla’s cheek. 

“How did you manage for all those years without me then?” She leaned her head against his shoulder. 

“I didna,” he shrugged, kissing her mass of curls. “Worst years of sleep I ever had, Sassenach.” 

“Stop,” Claire blushed, nudging his side. “Well, I’d be lying if I didn’t say the same. I always feel safe when you’re beside me.” 

Sliding his arm around her shoulder, he pulled her close, resting his head on hers and looked down at his granddaughter. “D'ye ken that the only time I am without pain is in your bed, Sassenach? When I take ye, when I lie in your arms-my wounds are healed, then, my scars forgotten.” 

“Then you must never leave my bed,” Claire turned her head to kiss him, her hand reaching up to stroke his chin. “You are my best friend, Jamie. My lover, protector… husband and I want nothing more than to lie in your arms for all eternity.” 

“Tha gaol agam ort, Sassenach,” He whispered against her lips, “Let’s bring this ween back to bed and then get back into ours, aye?”

“Let’s just stay here for a bit longer,” she smiled, her finger gently stroking their granddaughter’s cheek.

“Alright, a nighean,” He smiled, watching them. 

Neither one of them knew for how long they stayed on the sofa, surrounded by silence and a wrapped in bliss. They were just happy. In a warm home, their children asleep upstairs and them here, with the little miracle of a granddaughter. One they never thought they’d see grow up together only five years ago when they were divorced. 

After awhile, Jamie carefully picked up Isla and Claire got up, following him back upstairs. She kissed the baby’s head and let him bring her back to Julia’s room while she went back to their own.   
  
She laid back in the canopy bed, waiting for Jamie who reappeared five minutes later, proudly holding two glasses of whisky.

Grinning, Claire sat up and watched him, “That’s exactly why I married you.” 

“Because I look verra handsome while holdin’ alcohol?” He closed the door and made his way to the bed. 

“Yes, but also because you know when to bring alcohol,” She took a glass out of his hand and kissed him. 

Jamie wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close, “I’m glad we talk before bed now, like when we first started datin’. That’s what I missed the most, talkin’ to ye about anything. No matter what I would think or say, ye would never judge me, ye always listened and if I wasna well, ye comforted me.” 

“I missed it too,” Claire sighed, pressing her cheek against his chest. “All I need in life is you, our children, granddaughter and a nice glass of whisky.” 

“Aye, Sassenach,” Jamie smiled tenderly, softly brushing his thumb against Claire’s cheek. “Yer all I’ve ever needed.” 

_A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying. Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. - B. F. Skinner_


End file.
